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Do our friends have reason to be upset?

We used to live near a couple that my husband and I have been friends with for about three years now. We moved about 6 months ago and they did as well. Now we're about 30-40 minutes away from each other's houses. We've made several new local friends since moving and we tend to hang out with them more often since they are closer. We do still hang out with the couple, but at least 75% of the time they want us to drive out to their area, so here lately we've been seeing them less and less. I can tell by some of the comments made that they may be a little upset that we don't hang out as much now. I have tried inviting them over more often, but it goes back to them usually having a reason why we should go out there way instead. Do they really have a reason for being annoyed or should I just keep inviting them out our way and ignore it? I'd like to bring it up, but I like them and hate confrontation.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:41 AM on Jan. 22, 2010 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • As nice as it would be to be able to always be a people pleaser it's not always possible and sometime in the near future whether you start it or they do there will be a heated conversation over what you're worried over now... you are already seeing the signs of it and that's why you're worried.

    The only thing to do is either A.) Do as a previous poster suggested and try to settled to an agreement now; B.) Let them know how you feel and let the heated conversation start prematurely; C.) Wait till they pop their lids (it'll happen it sounds like). No matter what you choose there's no way escaping what you will have to do, which is be honest and tell them what you have said here which is you're fine with visiting them however aren't fine with always being the one putting forth the money, time and effort to do so and due to convenience you'll choose local over long distance until long distance is willing to compromise.

    Answer by Knightquester at 2:16 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Cut to the chase and say "It's the same distance either way and you can travel to visit us as we have you. Is there a problem, we're unaware of." I really don't like people who try to manipulate me through guilt tripping and won't tolerate it AT ALL.

    Answer by Ewadun at 12:44 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I wish i could offer advice, but I am kind of in the same postion..with my mom !

    Her and my dad moved on the outside of town, out in the country...they go past our road to go home..but yet hardly stop, but expect us to go there everyday...and then get mad when I tell them it is easier for them to come here than for us to come there....and then she gets mad when i visit my grandma ( who lives 3 houses up) ....

    Answer by glamomomo at 12:48 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Act annoyed yourself...guilt trip em back~! Do what ewadun says and just say hey it's the same distance either way~! They kinda suck for making you feel bad..if they don't put out the effort why do they expect you to?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • OP: That's why I haven't said anything yet. I'm afraid it will somehow get turned around or something since they are the ones who already seem like they are offended somehow.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • OP: They are good friends and we've never had any issues before, I guess that's why I have been trying to avoid the whole situation and let it smooth over. Unfortunately it seems to be affecting our friendship though and it's sad. I have kind of been thinking the same things, but then I thought maybe they did have some reason to be offended. We did usually drive out closer to them before, but they were also only 10 minutes away then, so it was not as big of a deal. Now with two kids, one a toddler and one under a year, it is a pain in the butt to drive 40 minutes away and do something, then another 40 minutes back home too. Ugh...I just don't know...

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Why dont you compromise?? It's prob a bit hard on both of yall to go back and forth. Tell them you really still want them as friends and dont want to loose them. It will take both of yall to keep a hold of each others friendships. Why not say, I drive down this week and next you drive here?? It has to be on both sides..working together. If they are not willing... who is to say they truly are your friends?? But are yall willing to make this commitment?? If so that's awesome! It seems like a good solution! I hope I helped!

    Answer by midnight11287 at 1:04 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • If anything, YOU and your husband should be upset that they are so self centered. If you two couples were doing even time and driving, going to visit each other, fine. But for you and your husband to have to go and do a majority of the visiting, that's just not right or fair. And they don't have any reason to be upset, other than they aren't getting their way.

    Answer by BaisMom at 1:37 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • OP: I think they feel like we are choosing new friends over them. I think that's why they are offended. Which we sort of are, but not because we like them any more, just because they are closer and do swap off with us with going to each other's houses, so it makes it a lot easier to hang out. They have invited us over a few times and we haven't been able to make it since it becomes a big trip, then I will mention seeing "so and so" or "so and so" and my friend seems offended that I was able to hang out with them instead. But as I said, these people are only minutes away and do come to our house as well, so it is a lot more manageable to do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Jan. 22, 2010