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I can't do it anymore.... For the safety of myself and my child I'm leaving my husband. I just need to know how to go about getting a divorce, without all the drama?? Last thing I want is lawyers and court involved... What is the "best" way to end my marriage and have full custody of our child. (lets just say I wouldn't trust him with our child without some supervision - enough said) Honestly, I could ruin his life with him being military... instead I just want the safety of myself and my child.

My plan is this .... pack everything and move, send him the divorce papers via mail (no idea where to go to file for divorce?) and inform whoever (no idea?) that our child is not allowed to be with him without some sort of supervision. *how do I go about all this?*
If he plans on challenging me for custody then I will reveal all (hate to literally destroy his military life and will only use this if he pushes me)
Please don't judge!

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:03 AM on Jan. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Go to legal aid if money is an issue and get the divorce started but please know that unless the secret you have (with proof not just your word) is harm (as defined by law not by you) he has all rights to see his child. I hope he agrees to all you ask so there is no drama but men are not always predictable in these cases.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:21 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • You can't. You have a child which complicates your divorce and requires an marital settlement agreement. This is something you can't write yourself so go to base legal before he can. It is very unlikely that you'll get full custody unless your husband is a child molester, a homeless junkie or something really bad like that. No matter what you say about unless it's on that level you're not going to get full custody unless he gives it to you. I'm also sorry to tell you that when you have children unless you and your spouse agree on everything there is no such thing as a drama free divorce. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • You need a lawyer to guarantee that your rights and your child's rights as a dependent are followed as closely as possible. Divorce does not always follow logic - it's the judges who make the decisions with who's most convincing on final judgment day.

    You can start out in legal services telling them you want , or go outside of the military to a public law firm, that worked in marital mediation. Just get a phone book and google some lawyers websites and you'll find out more. Lots of lawyers in their phonebook ads advertise they do divorce mediation which is less costly and less fighting than regular divorce. But if either one of you doesn't like what's on the table for negotiation you end up in regular divorce court.

    Don't be spiteful. Go after what you know your deserve because of how much u honored your husband and your child. Let him play spoiled baby. You stil might not get what you want but you'll be honorable.

    Answer by lfl at 8:53 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Will will HAVE to get lawyers and court involved, especially because you have a child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • You will need an attorney. If you can get one that will work with you both it is cheaper but since you are wanting supervised visitation you might need different attorneys. Either way in divorce when there are children involved you never want to go the DIY route.

    Answer by Geminus at 10:04 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Contact your women's resource center/ domestic violence shelter. They can give you free legal advice. They may be able to help you with temp housing and all sorts of things. Every county has one.

    Focus on you and your child's safety. Do not do not think about his career. Violent people cannot be dealt with in a "nice" way. They are violent.

    If you can photo document any bruises, do it NOW. You will need this evidence in your custody and divorce hearing. Can your doctor provide medical records of injuries? If you can get in with the doc just to report the abuse, then do so. Just meet your your GP or even pediatrician and ask for an exam and then let the doctor know you have been a victim of abuse. You need this documentation.

    To file divorce you go to your clerk of courts office. The police will serve him. It's small fee in some places-- $25. Divorce papers are not mailed.

    Answer by ecodani at 10:22 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • You cannot get a divorce without lawyers and courts involved, and I guarantee you that custody will be challenged. Follow the other posters' advice.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

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