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I feel bad for him, but not sure if getting the whole story

My husband is a restaurant manager and the other day he mentioned that they made changes to the store and he's no longer doing one job but now handling the kitchen. Which he's done in the past and has to fix up from the guy who did it prior. Yesterday, he told me that he's no longer the Assistant Manager and that title went to this guy that my husband and another guy and more than half of the restaurant employee dislike. I feel bad for him. But, upset that he didn't say anything to the General Manager Patty, since she didn't tell him he lost his title in person, but sent an e-mail telling the regional director that everyone was happy with the changes and that Philipe (the one everyone dislikes) will be the Assistant Manager. Plus a friend told my husband he heard he lost his title. I feel bad for my husband, but upset that he won't open his mouth and say something to Patty about this. It's annoying that he's a mouse!

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Asked by happynewyorker at 11:06 AM on Jan. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (87 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I would say he's probably embarrassed and more than a little pissed off. I know for me personally, I would be too pissed to say something to my boss, b/c I'd use words that would get me fired. lol He's talking to you, so I'd see if maybe you can gently encourage him to go to his boss, or to her boss even, and ask what is going on. Don't push too hard, as he might feel you're nagging or something, but just a little gentle nudge in that direction. Sometimes even when men want to do something, they need us to give them that little push. I have to do it to my SO. He's looking for a new job, and I always have to ask "Did you call so and so today?" And also, let him keep talking to you, whether he talks to the boss or not. Let him get it out and vent. Maybe it's not the best way, but just be there for him anyway.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:12 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Support him. I'm sure he's not feeling good about the change. Don't make it worse on him!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Don't nag him about it, either!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • His focus should be on finding a new place of employment or even a career change.

    Answer by IamPatSajak at 11:22 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Yes, just be supportive right now as I'm sure he must be feeling bad about the situation. Don't nag and tell him he should have said something to someone, etc etc, Be encouraging that something better will come along and he is still your man and doing a great job. Men really are sensitive about these things even if they don't want to let us know that.

    Answer by TarLion at 11:26 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I find people who won't stand up for themselves annoying too. I frequently tell my DH if you don't SAY something how are you going to let anyone know you aren't happy with "whatever".... I don't know how some people go through life with no backbone....

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 11:26 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Well, I'm not nagging him and I'm being supportive as I can. But, When I mentioned to him why didn't he speak to Patty and ask her when was he going to find out from her that he just lost his title, he said jokingly where was I to remind him what to say. The problem is he just borrowed 11k from his 401k, so I told him he should find something and then have to pay back the penality on the 11K with the state & federal taxes. He told me when he found out that he just was pissed and wouldn't speak to Patty at all. The guy who got his title was bossing him around and he told him off and reminded him that his job doesn't start until Jan 26th, when the week starts.

    Answer by happynewyorker at 11:37 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • He may have lost his title because he is a "mouse". Is that changed? If not, he doesn't deserve the title. He probably knows it. The guy everyone hates is not a mouse - he probably has a big mouth, is a big talker, and can charm the socks off people who don't know any better.

    When your DH gets tired of getting walked on and passed over and replaced - he will do do something about it (like grow testicles, haha). If he never changes, I would simply value him for the gentle soul that he has and the quiet strength that (hopefully) he does possess.

    When it comes to family matters, YOU will have to be Chief and do whatever fighting necessary. The sooner you accept this, the easier life will be for you both. (Not to say, it won't be difficult or frustrating though...I HATE it with my husband!! hahaha I wish mine wasn't so "mousy" too.)

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 11:41 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Perhaps there is more to it. Perhaps he made a mistake and is embarrassed to tell you. Not everyone is born to slay dragons, perhaps he is relieved to be rid of the responsibility! Or it was a situation where he either took the position or hit the road. He's dealing with enough stress, just stand beside him.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 3:20 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

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