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Why does the catholic church not reconize my marriage??

I am been married for 22 years to my best friend. My husband and I married in Kaui, HI we had a beautiful out door wedding. When I was pregnant with our first daughter I went to the catholic priest to discuss baptism. The priest asked me why I did not marry in the Catholic Church?? Our marriage is not recognized in the catholic church. I asked the priest why? I was told I did not marry in the house of the lord. Isn't god everywhere?? The priest then asked if he may bless my baby he prayed to my tummy. Later my husband told me that our baby was concerned a bastard because we were not married in the catholic church. My husband and all four of our children are baptized catholic. I was never baptized (my mom wanted me to make my own discussion when I was aware) I believe in God, I am planning on getting baptized christian.


Asked by mommiedear at 1:09 PM on Jan. 22, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

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This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • The church doesn't consider your children bastards. They also do recognize your marriage, just not under the term called sacrament. Frankly canon law is filled with loopholes and crossovers, etc. Technically, and I say technically because there is a BIG difference in what canon law states and what people believe (and this includes our priests and bishops), you would not be able to get married in the church until you are baptized a christian (not necessarily catholic), AND if you do that, you can do the paperwork and get your marriage blessed and it would be looked upon as a sacrament. I'm so sorry.....we have created such a mess with all the rules and regulations that we even have to have canon lawyers to interpret it all. It's like government.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I guess it is just Catholic "rules." They aren't biblical at all. That is why I could never be Catholic. I agree with your mother. We are raising our children in the Christian faith and they were dedicated as babies, but not baptized. I don't believe in that. My oldest is 9 and made the decision on her own to be baptized last year. My youngest is 4 and has just asked Christ into her heart, but is not old enough to understand baptism.


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I would send a letter to the (arch)bishop of t his incident. If it did happened it was wrong and completely out of place. If you are legally married by the state of HI you are legally married in the eyes of the Lord.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • The Catholic Church views marriage as a sacred sacrament. To meet the definition of this holy sacrament four this most be true:1) the spouses are free to marry; (2) they freely exchange their consent; (3) in consenting to marry, they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children; and (4) their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister.

    The church still recognizes that you are both married but not is a sacramental Marriage. This doesn't not effect your children. The church will recognize marriages that take place outside the Church building but often request that a clergy be present as a witness to the marriage.

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 1:44 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Is this the first marriage for the both of you? Did you have a pastor/priest/justice of the priest perform your ceremony? Unless there is something we don't know about, your marriage is a valid marriage in the church. I don't know what the priest was talking about.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • This is the first and only marriage for both my husband and myself. We have four children and are so much in love. We did get married legal and did have witnesses. We were just too stressed to have a formal wedding. Tierd of being told what we had to do. so we went to Kaui, HI to marry. We used the money we would have spend on a traditional marriage to purchase a home where we still live.

    Answer by mommiedear at 1:58 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • then your marriage is valid

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Then your married but to be one of the seven sacraments of the Catholic Church there has to be a Catholic minister at least as a witness, or you need to discuss this ahead of time with a parish. It doesn't cost very much to marry in the catholic church, you just need the bride, groom and a witness. If your concerned you can contact a church.  They will often offer a sacramental blessing.  However you are still validly married right now in the eyes of the church.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 2:40 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • There are certain rules Catholics have to follow in order for their marriage to be considered a valid Catholic marriage. This is because marriage is a sacrament in the Catholic Church - it's a way Jesus gave us for a couple to receive grace.  Since your husband is Catholic, he needed to follow these rules for the church to recognize his marriage.  That's part of being Catholic.

    But the Catholic Church does recognize that you have a legal marriage - so your child is not illegetimate according to the Catholic Church.  Illegetimacy is a legal idea of birth - and you are legally married your child is legetimate.  So your husband is wrong - the CC does not think of your children as "bastards" at all.


    Answer by eringobrough at 5:29 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • In order for the church to recognize your marriage as a valid Catholic marriage all you need is for a priest to perform the ceremony at a church. It does not have to be big or expensive - it can be a very simple ceremony if you want.

    Answer by eringobrough at 5:31 PM on Jan. 22, 2010