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How did you leave your abusive SO?

My SO is verbally abusive towards me. He barely helps with our son who is 20 months old. Occassionally, he would go into rages, where he destroys things and gets in my face and screams at me. For the first year, it occured maybe once every three months, and there was a lot of adjustments going on, so I put up with it. First, I was concerend it was pregnancy hormones. When my son was born, my SO was withdrawing from fentanyl (legally prescribed). So I put up with it. Then friends suggested he could be depressed/overwhelmed by his new role. So I put up with it. Now there is no more excuses left. Our fiances are stable. I do most of the work with our child without requesting help. If I do request help, I have to beg 90 percent of the time. In the past three months, he has become angrier. He goes on his rampange once a week. I can't talk to him without pissing him off.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:44 PM on Jan. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • He has never harmed our child or had an outburst with him. I know it is only a matter of time. I fear the day my child starts talking back or questioning his authority. I cannot safely leave my child with his father out of fear his father might not pay attention to him (too distracted by the television, which is his life) or conk out. I live in fear of joint custody. He drives like an insane person when someone pisses him off on the road. Accelerating to over 100 mph, slamming brakes, swerving in and out of traffic, etc. I feel like I am stuck with him just so I can “baby-sit” him while he is with our child. But at the same time, I don’t want my child to ever think what his dad is doing to me is acceptable. I am seeking counseling now and trying to find someone to give me legal advice/guidance before I pick up everything and move. He uses scare tactics on me. Any advices would be appreciated!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • OP here: As a clarification, he has destroyed my belongings, kick a hole in the wall because I didn't want to loan him my camera because he destroys my things, screamed at me, shoved me, and put my life in danger while driving on the expressway. Those are the few things he has done out of the many. It is not just screaming, name-calling, or attempts at controlling.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Don't wait for the day he hurts your baby. Or you. Get out while you can. There are a lot of assistance programs and shelters. Look online for help in your area.

    If not for yourself do it for your little one. He deserves a life without abuse. Children who grow up witnessing abuse suffer irreversable brain damage.

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 1:50 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I had a buff male friend come with me, the last time I tried to do it alone I got pinned up against the wall. I told him it was over, when he started to argue my friend told him to get the hell out of my house, and of course he listened. The friend turned into my boyfriend, and has been my husband now for 2 years.

    Answer by wahm_abbeyrose at 1:53 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • hello i'm going thru something just like you but i got 2 lil one's and feel stuck too...i'm planning on leaving him when i get the tax refund so i will have money to move in with my parents.......they don't know how my boyfriend is even though we been together almost 4 years.....but i'm at my wits ends....i feel lost and like i'm living in vain....i go to sleep scared because sometimes i move when i sleep and he's like what the f stop f in moving i'm trying to sleep and when it's the middle of the day he tells me to keep the kids quite because they are to loud ....they are only 2,4 i don't know what else to do but i know i can't stay.......just praying i will be able to get my refund soon so i can get out.....even his mom is telling me to get away fast because he has serous anger problems....i don't want to be alone with two kids but i rather that than to be dead or worse my kids to be raised by him.. get out . i will soon.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • You are a victim of domestic violence. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233)

    Answer by rkoloms at 3:39 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

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