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what are 9 years old girls capable of doing on their own?

I have a 9 year old daughter that seems to think she is still 4, and acts as though she doesn't know how, or "can't" do certain things on her own, (example: brush own hair, simple homework problems) as getting ready for school, she will drop to the floor, kick her feet and scream, just because we told her to get ready. please help. I would like to be able to give her a list of things that she should be doing on her own, and hoping that opinions of others may help her realize that she is getting a bit old for these "tantrums".


Asked by cheeksof4 at 1:46 PM on Jan. 22, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (7)
  • A 9 year old (unless developmentally delayed) should be able to:
    - get up with an alarm clock that she is responsible for setting
    - get herself dressed, hair brushed, and basic hygiene taken care of
    - make her own bed
    - make her own lunch
    - feed pets
    - take out trash
    - load and unload dishwasher
    - help with laundry (should be able to completely do it on her own by 10 or 11)
    - complete her homework without being nagged
    - gather and take necessary things to school (homework, lunch money, etc.)
    - help with other chores around the house (dusting, vaccuuming, cleaning mirrors, picking up, etc.)

    Like another poster suggested, I would make a list of what she is supposed to do and have her check it off as completed (at one point I wrote my DD's list on her bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker).

    The tantrums need to stop. Video tape her acting like that and tell her you will take it to school to sh

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Wow, 9 years old and still throwing tantrums? That is a sad reflection your parenting skills. Next time she throws one of her fits, light her rear end up and tell her to quit acting like a baby. You need to stop TREATING her like a baby too. Either she does what you tell her to do, or she gets punished, end of story. This is ridiculous.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • My youngest, 17yo used to be like that. Finally I became smarter than her. My other two listened very well. Tell dd that every chore she doesn't finish while kitchen timer ticking in front of her a punishment will be added. She chooses to be punished or not. If her behavior after punishment added is worse another punishment added. Tell her she will do chores and then have fun or she will do chores and be punished. Worked for my teen, hope that or something else works for you.

    Kids see us a rugs when we threaten and don't follow through or when we don't even threaten. You're allowed to set limits on her behavior. You can't make her be quiet but you don't have to give her what she wants - no responsibilities and the world handed to her.

    Answer by lfl at 1:56 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I don't know about girls, but I have an 8yr old boy and once I wake him and his brother in the morning, they pretty much do for themselves. They get their own food(cereal, pop tarts or waffles, etc), they clean up (teeth, wash face,) get dressed, and brush their hair, (though he, my 8yo, needs help with his hair, cause it's longer now and gets tangles...) And I have lunches laid out and they pack them in their lunch boxes. It's our routine of every morning and no one fights it and everyone knows what they need to do and where there stuff is. That's the most important thing, lay it all out ahead of time, the night before, clothes, shoes, backpack in the same place and maybe make a chart on a dry erase board that tells step by step instructions of what she needs to do? and once she's done it, she can check it off. Maybe after a week of no fights/tantrums she gets a treat? good luck!

    Answer by mom2BOYZnDad at 1:59 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Wow. Just wow. Dropping to the floor kicking and screaming is something that is questionable for a three year old. I would lose my shit if my 8yo even thought about doing that. A nine year old is perfectly capable of the following:

    Setting their own alarm and getting up for school, getting themselves dressed and keeping up good hygiene
    Basic household chores
    Doing homework with minimal assistance
    Keeping a calendar of upcoming events they need to be prepared for (sports games, projects due)
    Preparing themselves a snack

    I suggest you make a checklist/reward chart RIGHT NOW and put it up on the wall. Start the first couple weeks with basics: Get dressed, Make bed, Brush Teeth, Do your Hair, Finish homework, Chores, Mind manners, etc. I would have her earn tv/computer/video game time (or whatever she is into) through completing those tasks.

    Answer by IamPatSajak at 2:01 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I have twin two year olds who have already learned that tantrums are not worth the effort. You can make sure she is never rewarded for a tantrum. Tell her if she feels the need to act like that she can take it to her room. If she refuses, carry her and leave her in her room. Tell her she can come out when she is ready to be sweet or pleasant or whatever word you want to use. If she tries to leave before that, physically hold the door closed. Since she has gotten away with it this long you are going to have to be very strong and not let her win. You are going to have to repeat the same thing everytime. It doesn't matter if she is late ofr school or misses some activity because of it - you have to make it very clear that you aren't going to put up with it anymore. She may scream and cry for hours, but eventually she will "get it" and things will be better.

    Check out Love & Logic or some other parenting class.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:09 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • My SD8 used to do many of those things up until last year. Whenever she would pitch a fit, I'd calmly send her to her room and tell her she could come out when she was feeling better. Usually it would take about 10 minutes. I would also give her a choice, get dressed or she loses a privilege, make your bed or you can't have your friend over, etc. If she's going to act like a baby (having tantrums, saying she can't do simple tasks) then she will be treated like a baby and not get the privileges a big girl gets like . The only thing we still struggle with is she still likes to eat with her fingers and forgets to flush. I just posted a sign in her bathroom to remind her to flush, but I'm at a loss about the eating. Good luck!

    Answer by not-the-momma at 3:53 PM on Jan. 22, 2010