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Last name question

Ok, so my first child is from a previous relationship but when I named him, I gave him my maiden name (which was my name at the time). A year later, I got married (My husband and I got together when I was about 4 months along and was there in the delivery room and has been with us since). When we married I changed my last name to his and since then we've had two little girls. We've decided to not have my husband adopt him (there are sentimental reasons to keep my DS's last name my maiden last name and his biological father is a pos so we are making him continue to pay childsupport).

So, my main question is: Would it be 'wrong' to sign cards "The Smiths" if my son isnt' a Smith? What's your opinion?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Jan. 22, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I don't think it's "wrong"...but it does make the child feel a little left out. I had my mothers maiden name and she met my step dad when I was 6 months old. They ended up getting married..and he has always been dad to me. Then they started having other children and of course they took on his last name. They never intentionally made me feel left out but it did hurt. In the first grade I remember signing my school papers with his last name and my teacher called my parents and they made me write my name, and I couldnt understand why. Then as I got older, they bought silverwear with the initials of thier last name as well as the bathroom towels. I don't know...I just felt weird about it. Maybe you can get his name hyphenated? (did i spell that right,idk,lol). Talk to your son...he can best tell you how he would feel about that, I wish someone would have asked me! :)

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 3:50 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Yes, you should sign cards with each of your first names-if there is even a slight possiblity that it would make your son feel left out then you should just take the 2 extra seconds and write everyone's names

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 3:24 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • i think it is wrong for you to not have your husband adopt him just bc you want child support. besides that... i would just sign it with your names... for example: Love, Jane, Henry, Peter, Mary, and Anne. Your son isnt a smith. How old is your son? did you ever ask him what he would want his last name to be? maybe he wants it to be the same as yours and his sisters... especially if your husband is his true father figure.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • My daughter has my maiden name, and I I have two other children with my husband. I have thought about this too. I usually sign things "Joe & Mary Smith" & list out the kids first names or put "& family".

    My ex is not in the picture, and my DD calls my husband Daddy. Before we had children together he asked DD if she wanted to be adopted and change her name to match the rest of us, and she said no because it would be weird to change her name, plus she thought the last name she had sounded much better with her first name.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • We have talked about it many times, but my husband and I agreed that we would keep my son's last name the way it is. My son and my dad are very close and my dad only had two girls, so the last name would not have been past on otherwise.

    We are not Not doing the adoption because of the money. I don't get any as it is (my last payment was $15 in Nov.). The reason we are not doing it is basically the principle of it all. I was 17 when I got pregnant and he demanded he be put on the birth certificate (even though I was already going to) but then we tries to get out of paying child support (works as much under the table as he can). He even had the nerve to ask me to release him from his past due amount (which is over 5k!).

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I'd sign things "Mr. & Mrs. Smith and family" or "Mary, John and kids" or just use all your first names.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Thank you kimberlyinberea! That's exactly what I was wondering! We've talked about hyphenating it... and that's probably what we are going to do when DS hits kindergarten.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Jan. 22, 2010