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Anyone been through this?

So on Saturday, my husband just comes home from work and leaves. Tells me he's leaving, leaves the house and calls me the next morning. He tells me he quit his job, he wants a divorce and he moved out of state back in with his parents. We have a 6 year old, a large mortgage, many bills and I have been a SAHM for a long time and have no income. It's weird because just two days earlier he was telling me how he is the luckiest man in the world because he has me, and he is so happy that we can grow old together, yada, yada...Then up and leaves. I am beyond devastated and desperatley want him back. He wont talk to me, only emails me. I have been left to sell a house, pay all the bills, everything. The mortgage for the month hasnt been paid and I am just in utter disbelief that this is happening.

Anyone have any advice on how to get him back? Please no bashing, I am already heratbroken and distraught. I need help!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Jan. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (29)
  • i think he is ashamed that he lost his job...thats probably it.. every man wants to take care of his woman. He was probably telling you days before that he is the luckiest man because he has you...and because he lost his job he feels like the "unluckiest man" because he can't support you. You should let him know that you will be by his side no matter what happens if you truely love him.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 4:47 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • First off, I am so so sorry this is happening to you. I don't know how old your hubby is. It could be that "seven year itch" thing or i'm thinking a midlife crisis. Some men just get so overwhelmed as they get older and want "more" and just get bored with the way things are. It's nothing you've done obviously, it's just how some men(and some women) can be as they get older.

    Clearly there is more to this story than he wants you to know. He may have said those things to you the other day because he meant them and knew he was leaving you. His way of telling you how much you are valued and loved in his life, but he's just no longer interested in being a "family man". Perhaps he wants to "sow his wild oats", buy an expensive car and hit the road, etc...it's possible too if you were together at a young age he felt tied down and wants to catch up on what he missed. It's hard to tell as you nor I are living in his head.(Cont)
    CinderAmethyst

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 4:50 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • you could either both go out and look for jobs...or say fuc# it and start from ground zero...it not the end of the world ...you can still have each other.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 4:50 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • you just need to try and let him know that he could be the poorest man on the planet but you'd still love him anyway. It's that flight or fight instinct that we all have in us...some people fight others flee. Give him some time to sort out his feelings and just keep letting him know how you feel, and hopefully he'll come around.
    CinderAmethyst

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 4:52 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I totally disagree with the above post.What an ass your husband is.Get yours and your child future straight .You can do it!A man like that won't change.You deserve way better.
    boogernoodle

    Answer by boogernoodle at 5:06 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Um there is NO EXCUSE for this behavior. No one here would be telling you that it would be ok for you to do this to him so please do not believe that this is ok for him to do to you. We all experience rejection and hard times. But we have to stick together if we love our family. Every woman wants to take care of her family too. But if you make a mistake, get fired, have a mid-life crisis you still don't get to just abandon your family and responisbility. How unfair to those who are left to deal with the mess. Do you have any family near by or anyone you can call to get some support through this. If I were you I would tell my husband that I loved him and I don't completely understand what is going on with you but this is no way to deal with it. We have to stick together. If you can't do that then you need to let me know because now things are tough on all of us. Then I would not try to contact him. I would refocus on trying to
    IzzeAddy

    Answer by IzzeAddy at 5:06 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • get out of the mess I was left in. However you can, that is what you need to think about first. Your kids don't need to be scared about what is going to happen to them. Whatever you can do to take control of the sitaution, do that. But don't lose control by engaging in a back and forth thing with him. Then see what happens. Maybe he will come back. Maybe then once things settle you can talk about what is going on with him.
    IzzeAddy

    Answer by IzzeAddy at 5:09 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I take that back, there are some women that would tell you that you deserve better than that behavior. I apologize for assuming that. I get very defensive when women make excuses for men who behave this way.
    IzzeAddy

    Answer by IzzeAddy at 5:12 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • wow! i wouldn't want to be with a guy who thinks this behavior is ok to do! You can't just have a freakout and drop your life! Is there a possibility he has a woman on the side? My uncle did a similar thing and he'd been carrying on with another woman for several years.He took the layoff he got as a jump start to leave my aunt high and dry.
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 5:25 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Yes, i agree with IzzeAddy. What kind of man leaves his wife who has no income with kids? A COWARD . Thats who. Trust me i know where your coming from. When i was 15 and my brother 13 my Dad left and my mom was a sahm with no income. He
    left us with a SHIT load of problems.

    First we owed back rent and the landlord was already coming by every other day AND HE STILL LEFT. We had to move out one week after he left because of the back rent. All three of us(my mom, me, my brother) threw away half our furniture because we couldn't afford to rent a huge truck, BY OURSELVES at night.

    Luckily my mother received their income tax checkin the mail(at my relatives where we were staying) and she used it to get us into an apartment of our own. Be smart, he will not change. This happened 10 years ago. My mother forgave him, toke him back and guess what. He did the same thing he did ten years ago, ABANDONED MY MOM. Now they are divorced
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:26 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

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