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WTH?! He's just going to ignore me?

I have been depressed, crying, and missing DH since he left for Iraq 12/31. I look forward to hearing from him every chance he gets to call, as are our kids. He has only called twice this week & I thought it was because of work. WRONG! The base he's at is like a resort with a swimming pool, movie theater, etc. He's been having a great time while I'm waiting on him to call. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve to have a little fun now and then, but it would take only a few minutes to call home. He's too busy after work because of the other stuff he's doing. He's had time to get on Facebook and Myspace but hasn't IM'd or emailed me. Just last weekend I declined an invitation to karaoke because I didn't think it was right for me to have any fun, & he AGREED that I shouldn't go anywhere. WTF is going on here?! I am at home with the kids 24/7 in case he calls, but he can do as he pleases, including ignoring us?


Asked by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Jan. 22, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Just send him a message on FB and tell him....TELL HIM you are going for whatever reason. Mine is in Iraq too and he doesn't want me to sit at home and be depressed but then again we are older and he has been deployed many times. You can not and should not sit around. You should schedule calls and video chat dates and thats it. Let him have his free time and for goodness sakes you get your free time too. Sitting around like that is depressing and it needs to stop. Instead of feeling sad get proactive. TELL him you need a schedule of when he should call or chat with you. If he does not want to set up a schedule and WANTS you to sit and be depressed and scared then honey, he needs to be told you will not do that. Coming from one military wife to another.....take charge of the situation.

    Answer by pnwmom at 6:23 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • OP here~ Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. I am not saying he should be crying & depressed. I don't mind him having fun sometimes. It hurts my feelings that he has time to call us and he chooses not to. He's 7000 miles away and I worry about his safety. I also don't understand why he expects ME to go by a different set of "rules".

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I understand hun,you just want to be important.I don't know why he is acting this way.I hope he stops this,I can see how its affecting you.

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 5:21 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • If I were you I would stop sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring........but ONLY if you know FOR SURE he is "ignoring you". There could be a good explanation for him not calling (I HOPE THERE IS). But if he cannot come up with a good explanation - it's time for you to book your calendar and have some fun yourself.... at least if he calls, he can still speak with the kids....

    Sometimes, when you do unto men as they do unto you - they change the behavior!!!!!!!!!!! And this doesn't have to be out of spite for you - he really just needs to know how it feels to be treated this way...I have had to do this in various relationships for various reasons. I get pissed because my SO is doing X, so they act like I'm a crazy, overreacting psycho, so I start doing X too......voila! They UNDERSTAND now...... psht, frustrating....

    Anyways, get out of that funk and enjoy life!!! Your happiness does NOT need to be on hold!!!!

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 5:32 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • please talk to him before you assume anything. Sometimes talking to your loved ones makes it more obvious that you can not be there for them physically. Men are physical creature- they want to protect by being there, love by hugging you, and etc... it is hard sometimes for guys to be verbally there and emotionally there. I am not giving an excuse- but asking you to explore what it truly going on. I highly doubt he is thinking "hmm F- my wife I want to swim!" It is harder for them because at least you are with the kids and hold them and say good night to them and put them to bed. Be patient with him please.

    Answer by ZaTa at 5:38 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • OP here~ It really hurts that he thinks it's okay for me to be here wallowing in depression but it's perfectly okay for him to be out and about having a grand time. Our kids and I miss him so much and it's extremely hard being here alone. I was on Myspace and Facebook earlier and saw that he'd been on there and I was surprised that he hadn't called home. I had to call him and he knows it costs a lot more money if I do. He acted like I was interrupting him and all I wanted was to make sure I had his address correct to send him mail. Any time I've talked to him he's actually said he had to go because of doing other stuff besides work. It's not fair for him to tell me I should stay home.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:41 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • cont'd...I am not a party girl or anything like that. It's not that important to "go out' but I'd like to have dinner and margaritas with my cousin and chill out. The kids have only spent one night away from home and I stayed home. I've not done anything outside the home except grocery shopping, per his request.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:44 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • oh ya listen watch wat is going on for a week ,,,if he is realy ignoring,,u too have to ignore him,u must do this ,, u r in stress and without conscious u will make ur kids feel misreable,,so plz go out have fun...and let him call and talk to the kids,don't talk to him,let him come asap,,,cuz if he works there for money ,,money comes and go,,,but family together is pricless,,so ignore him for a week or 2 its okay,,good luck honey

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:54 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • OP here~ we can't afford for him to come home. All I want is to be remembered when he has free time.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • well dont get mad, but mostly when men do that its cus they are cheating.... my hubby calls even when he's 300 miles away for his college stuff for work. i would understand being upset if he didnt call. i have a hard time trusting other women around my husband.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:17 PM on Jan. 22, 2010