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How would you ( or do you feel) about working with your hudband or in the same field as him?

For the past several years my husband has been going through some major growing phases. It has been hard on him but I think even harder on me and the family. I feel as though I had to put some things I wanted on hold to be the family cheerleader. I love him and don't regret doing all I could to be supportive because I would want the same from someone that cared for me. I have started to realize though that I am pretty aimless. I am about to graduate from college and I am going to get into the field of Linguistics. After, a long time I finally found a passion other than my family. Something for me. We all need something that is just ours. Well, I told my husband about it and he said that was great. He said he would support me. Then all of a sudden he said he was going to go into the same field. It bothered me because everytime I have ever tried to do something for me he has come along and had to do it too. Then it..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:37 PM on Jan. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • it turns into a competition because he is a know it all. It is really hard to deal with at times even though I love that he is smart it can be such a turn off when he acts like he is better than me at everything. Well, I didn't say anything at first because I was too mad. After a while I asked him why he wasn't going to be a prof. of Literature anymore. That is what he has always wanted to do. I spent tons of time listening to him talk about his plans and doing things to be supportive of his goals/dreams. Now I felt like it was my turn to do something for me where I was not constantly reminded that I was some one's wife or mother. But now he wants to take that over too it seems like. I understand that it could be flattery, but it doesn't last because he starts to act like a snob toward me and it alienates me. What are your opinions on this??

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:41 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • He sounds like a competitor whether you're his wife or not. Sounds like this is his nature.
    Danishlady

    Answer by Danishlady at 5:43 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I think he has self-esteem/insecurity issues. At the same time, it could be that he wants to spend more time with you. Honestly ask him 'what is it that makes you so interested in linguisitcs? Have you always been interested?" Perhaps hearing you talk about it has opened his mind to something he might like to try, too. And if it turns out he does go into the field, that doesn't mean you'll be working together. It is very hard to get a faculty position, I can't imagine a husband/wife getting a position in the same field at the same college. It may be that he's just lost and doesn't know what he should do and you seem so enthusiastic that he's using your enthusiasm to propel him forward into a new career. Obviously that is not sincere interest and it won't last. Just be straight up with him but not defensive.
    danielp

    Answer by danielp at 5:44 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Op:you are right that it may be unlikely for a married couple to work in the same place. That is what bothers me. What would stop him from following me to where I want to work? Then I have to compete with him to get the job. I don't want to compete with him. Nor do I want to have to prove my worth. I live in a conservative area. What if they pick him over me because I am a woman? I hate that things can still be that way but I can't rule it out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:48 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Probably wont be able to work for the same company so I wouldnt be too worried about that.

    I have no issues working with my husband...thats how we met. I was hired and ended up working in his section, basically as a supervisor. We kept our relationship quiet and then he left so it didnt matter anymore LOL. Now that we are married(have been for a while now)it wouldnt bug me to work with him again. We are both capable of doing our jobs for the same company even though we are in love and all that LOL.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 6:07 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I met my dh in school where we were going for the same degree. We ended up getting married and having a baby, so I stay home with the baby, but it wouldn't bother me to be in the same field. We would not work at the same place, at least for long. When I decide to go back to work, it's very possible that he would be able to get me on at his job. After getting some experience for 6 months to a year I would be likely to start looking for other places of employment. He and I have very different personalities and I doubt we'd be happy working for the same place with the same people. If he's happy there, I doubt seriously that I would be.
    Also - most places would be more likely to hire you than they would him because by hiring a woman they could fill their minority requirements (that sucks, but it's the way things are)
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 6:33 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • It would never happen. SO is in the Air Force. I'm not the military type. I'm more of the hippy type.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:07 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

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