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In need of some encouraging words/advice

I am pregnante with a married man's baby. He doesn't want anything to do with the baby, for obvious reasons. ( and no did not know he was married) I will defintly file for child support as he is leaving the country soon to be with his wife ( he is in military). He is a wonderful dad to his step-son and breaks my heart that he won't be around for our child, and yes I still love him. He alraedy said he will not tell his wife or family about us.
Does anyone have any advice in raising a child with no father or family and what do you tell them when they ask " wheres my dad?"


Asked by Anonymous at 12:39 AM on Jan. 23, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • It is a huge deal in all military branches, but that being said once you file papers you are guaranteed money from him, the military will take it right out of his check and give it to you. Also he will only face court martial if his wife files that complaint, she is the victim in the case. BTW once you file papers his wife will be notified as well, and the military will require a DNA test. I would tell you child when the child needs to be told, that you were in love with his daddy and he didn't feel the same, and he has another family far away, but that it is ok not to have him because he has you and you love him, and you never know by then you might meet somebody much better.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 3:07 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • thats why u get him a new dad before he knows the difference!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • you are better off without him, he is obviously a scam artist, u didnt even know he was married. your kids will grow to know that they have one parent that gave all they could to love and raise them and in time that will be enough. now u should just worry about getting thru your pregnancy and not stress yourself over a married man. trust me i was in the same boat only i knew he was married but thought they were more seperated than they were! take care of yourself and your baby.... OH AND GET THAT CHILD SUPPORT MONEY HONEY!

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 12:44 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • If you are going to file for child support then there's a good chance you're going to get him in big trouble. He might lose his rank and lots of other things. (not saying that he doesn't deserve it).
    And when the child get's old enough to ask questions you answer them honestly.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:45 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • I wouldn't say anything bad about his father. He may have a change of heart once you get closer to your due date. You never know what may happen. I'd deffinitely ask him what he wants you to tell your little one. Not every child has a dad. There are so many moms who have to be strong enough to play both sides and in this situation you may just have to let the little one know that dads not going to be around but you'll always be there no matter what. You may be the only family he/she has. You'll make it work. I'm sure everything will work out for you both.

    Answer by Shyma at 12:49 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • That sucks, but yeah, be honest when he is old enough for it.
    He wont be the only kid at school with a single mom, he wont be some loner or freak for it.
    And who cares if he loses his rank, daddy needs to support this kid, even if its just $$. He should have been honest to YOU and he isnt worth any heartache- he used you AND his wife - and should be exposed!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • well, anon it's more then just losing his rank. he could actually go to jail. Adultery is a crime in the military (at least it is in the Army, according to my husband that is).

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:58 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • oh. again, i'm not saying that he shouldn't go to jail. lol
    if i were you i would file for child support and the whole 9 yards.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:59 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • Move on and build yourself up. Your LO needs a strong mom, so be the strongest one you can be. Sure it might be hard, but you CAN do it! My mom was a single mom to five kids, she is the strongest bravest woman I know. When I was five she married my stepdad and I am so grateful for that. Keep your chin up!

    While I agree with the telling him the truth when he is older, please do not tell your child that his daddy didn't want him. Tell him things didn't work out between the two of you and that he wanted to know him, but was too mad at mommy to do it. I know it will be hard to do, but if your child thinks he is/was not wanted it will hurt his heart.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 1:01 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • answer him honestly and directly but don't give him more info than he asks for. if he says do I have a dad you say yes of course everyone has a dad. thats all if he asks where he is tell him. as for the big quesation why isn't he with us I think you will not find that to be such a big deal lots of kids have absent fathers now days but if he asks tell him the truth. I met your dad and fellll in love with him and got pregnant with you. it is too bad because your dad didn't love me enough to stay with me and be a real daddy. but thats ok because I love you and we are just fine the two of us.

    Answer by mom2snsb at 2:10 AM on Jan. 23, 2010