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Is this a reflection on you?

I have a neighbor, we have been neighbors for over 25 years, great family and people, their kids grew up playing with mine. Just recently the mom asked me out to lunch to speak about one of her sons coming out as gay, he lives in another state. The conversation was her asking me how I deal with my gay daughter.
She has kept this from close friends, not wanting to deal with the gossip, she feels shame as a parent for having a gay son, thinking what others will say, never once taking into consideration her son's life.
Where is the shame in having a gay child, when that in itself does not interfere with who they trully are as a person? Instead of looking out for yourself why not be open and be receptive to your own flesh and blood?
Regardless of religious views on the matter, how can and openly gay daughter/son be any reflection on you?
All we can do as parents is give them a good foundation to build on, rest, up to them.

 
older

Asked by older at 8:45 AM on Jan. 23, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 69 (2,285,492 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (28)
  • IF people worried less about what others thought of their kids and parenting choices, it wouldn't matter how a child turned out. The decisions an ADULT child make are the child's not the parents. As parents, it is your job to love your child NO MATTER WHAT. You can be disappointed in their decisions but you NEVER stop loving them. If my son tells me he is gay, I will be fine with it. It would be his choice. He can love who he wants as long as he is respected and treated with love and kindness.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:37 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • It sounds like it came as a surprise to her. She may have different questions for different people. She may see you as a good source of info and support about this one area.
    GailllAZ

    Answer by GailllAZ at 8:50 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • Gaill, she did come to me for support, but how is her son being gay a reflection on her parenting skills? It was a total surprise, he had been away to school for years before he came out to her, but is this something to be ashamed of?
    I just don't get it, I am so proud of my daughter coming out and facing discrimination head on, shame never entered the picture.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:54 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • Despite overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary, some people still think that kids "turn" gay because of overbearing or emotionally distant mothers. They're wrong, but maybe she has it stuck in her head that she did something wrong, or that others will think she did.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 8:58 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • banging head into wall


     


    No it is not "proven" you are born gay.


    No I dont believe it is your home enviroment either. THat darn excuse tho is so annoying!!!


     


     

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • anon, it is also not proven that your NOTborn gay.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:18 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • She may just need to learn more. Mothers often blame themselves for how their child turns out when they grow up. Outcome evaluation. It's not a good way of evaluating how good of a mother you were/are.

    Sexuality is complex and may be best described as a continuum. Some people are strongly homosexual or heterosexual but most people lie somewhere on the continuum. We could become involved in either kind of relationship depending upon the circumstances at some point in our lives. We may only have acted on heterosexual relationships.

    We have seen actors in real life and on TV shows that have had both hetero and homo sexual relationships and that makes some people really confused. Is sexuality a choice? Biology? Environmental?

    I would be concerned about a gay son's happiness. It would be easier with a daughter.

    GailllAZ

    Answer by GailllAZ at 9:23 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • Gaill, I often hear people say that it would be easier with a daughter, why do you think that lesbians are more acceptable than homosexual men? What would be easier?

    Anon 9:11, this one is for you....http://www.redding.com/news/2008/jun/17/are-we-born-gay-science-suggests-yes/
    older

    Answer by older at 9:28 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • anon, it is also not proven that your NOTborn gay.

    I know older, I didnt mean anything mean by it I just am sick of people sayingit is proven you are when it isnt proven either way.
    OHHHH BTW I remember you posting about your daughter! Have they done the implantion thing yet? Are you gonna be grandma yet????
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • Anon, yes, I will know if it worked in the next week or so, I am so excited at the propspect!!! she is such a good soul that this will be her reward for her good deeds, crossing fingers and toes!!!!!!
    older

    Answer by older at 10:16 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

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