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Is this a reflection on you?

I have a neighbor, we have been neighbors for over 25 years, great family and people, their kids grew up playing with mine. Just recently the mom asked me out to lunch to speak about one of her sons coming out as gay, he lives in another state. The conversation was her asking me how I deal with my gay daughter.
She has kept this from close friends, not wanting to deal with the gossip, she feels shame as a parent for having a gay son, thinking what others will say, never once taking into consideration her son's life.
Where is the shame in having a gay child, when that in itself does not interfere with who they trully are as a person? Instead of looking out for yourself why not be open and be receptive to your own flesh and blood?
Regardless of religious views on the matter, how can and openly gay daughter/son be any reflection on you?
All we can do as parents is give them a good foundation to build on, rest, up to them.


Asked by older at 8:46 AM on Jan. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 69 (2,285,492 Credits)
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Answers (12)
  • If a person is gay it has nothing to do with the parent. It's not like she MADE him gay! My dad was gay and he was one of the greatest men I've ever met. I saw him for who he was as a person and a father. What he did behind closed doors was his business. I think we should love our children no matter what their sexual orientation is.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:55 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • I think those who make it to adulthood alive & without a prison record & all their limbs are doing pretty good these days:) never understood why ppl make such a big deal about the whole gay thing not just their kids, if it makes someone else happy & its not hurting another then how is it your buisness anyways? I know I know the bible blah blah blah also says he w/ out sin cast the 1st stone!

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:56 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • My brother is gay and it took awhile for him to come out, but we all knew it anyway. Which is how he finally came out, my Mom talked to him and told him that we all knew and that we love and support him and that we just want him to be happy. I can't imagine it different and for those parents who are ashamed by gay children, there are different things to worry about than their sexual choices.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:00 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • you cant say"regardless of religion" because that is too important to some and its why they have such a hard time with it. I dont know why people cant accept love is love, but on the same token you have to understand that not all people have to look at things as you do. its a hard istuation and I really hope she learns to accept her child. keep encouraging her to be open to it, just open, and then let her find her own way. you and i know this isnt something that can be forced.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 9:07 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • Everyone is different. The way you deal with it is obviously different than the way she is. Some people are more open minded right away, others it takes time, and some never come to deal with having a gay child.

    Just guide her as best you can or as much as she asks for your guidance.

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 9:32 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • My sisters and I were talking about this just the other day. If one of our children were gay what difference would that make to us as a mother. It's not like you are all into their sex lives anyway, it wouldn't matter in how you love them. I think I may be alittle sad, but only because I would worry about how others would accept them, and all the social issues they'd have to deal with, but really what does that have to do with a mother's love??

    Answer by robyann at 10:11 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • My grandparents have 5 children, 4 boys and 1 girl. My uncle is gay, the rest of the kids are straight. I have, b/c of that, always strongly believed that being gay is just like having red hair or brown eyes - it's just the way you are born. I always knew that there was something about my uncle that was slightly "different", but was never told he was gay until I was about 14. It never changed the way I looked at him - he was my favorite uncle before that, and he still was after that. I don't see any way that it could possibly reflect on the parents when their child is gay. With 5 children, all raised the same, and one is gay, how could that be due to anything my grandparents did? My grandparents have always been proud of all their children, and while they don't run around going, "my middle son is gay!", they don't hide it either. It's just a fact of his life, like his diabetes or his high blood pressure.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:12 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • I don't think it's a reflection on the parent when their child is gay. It's just about preference and whether you embrace your childs sexuality or not, it won't change the sexuality, just the behavior around the parent/s. I would never feel ashamed about my child because of who he likes. There are only a few things that my kids could do to make me feel ashamed of them or who they ae, and being gay is not one of them.

    Answer by GothicMommy3 at 10:36 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • I know it would be a hard thing for me to find out, because I would worry about what my gay child would have to deal with. I think I would be concerned about hardships my child would face, not about how other people would think it was a reflection on me. I think that is how I would feel, but I expect you never reallly know until you are actually in that situation.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • anon thats a fear I think all moms have, not just about sexuality...we fear how others will treat our kids so we tend to over protect and worry. I dont think its a reflection on the parents at all and love following this question and enjoying the open frank discussion about it. I too would not care if my son was gay. I would care however if he never found a true deep love-gay or straight. to me thats the important thing. :)

    Answer by Bearsjen at 4:11 PM on Jan. 23, 2010