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How do I get MIL to stop?!?!

She wants to be my son's mom!!! She has even *mistakenly* called herself mom to DS right in front of me! He's only 2 years old...what do I do?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:16 AM on Jan. 23, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I feel your pain sister!! MY MIl did this to me too, called herself mom to him, and when I was preg she went and bought a pack n play for her house a high chair for her house and everything a baby would need, it was kinda like she was haqving him and not me.. After he was born we were visiting them often, but the mom thing really got to me and I said something about it to her and she flipped out saying I was a bad mom and she should just take him away from me, so we stopped going over to her house for a long time, after his 1st bday, I had a sit down talk with her and told her how hurt I was and how it was affecting him not to have his GRAND mother in his life and if she cant respect my wishs as his mother than she would need to step aside and only visit him at our house with supervision from me or my hub.....We are still ahving issues with her calling herself mom to him, which is only confusing him more, but our bond with her

    Answer by franklynnsmom at 3:01 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Well, there's a few things you can do. First, of course, it talk to her about it. Or better yet, have your spouse do it. (My DH and I don't deal with problems with the others parents. Its to easy to have issues with your kids spouse.) After that, if she persists, you can either distance yourself/DS from her or just accept that she's weird about your kid. I would assume she's very willing to help out with your son if she wants to mother him, and please don't forget the value of such a willing sitter.

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 9:42 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • oh yeah- dude i remember when i first had my daughter, we would take her over to MILs house and she would say "ooh come to mama, mamas here" and blah blah that pissed me off soooo bad.

    i honestly just swallowed it down and dealt with it, b/c we didnt go over there too often- she gets offended easy so i didnt want big problems to start.

    Answer by snoober_k at 9:50 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • It was probably just a slip. I agree with not forgetting the value of a sitter and a grandmother that cares and is involved in their grandchild's life. My children and I were never that lucky, their grandparents didn't care and didn't even do things like give them birthday gifts.

    I take care of my 16 mo grandson every other day while my dil works. I don't see her much because my son brings my grandson over. For us it's easier if he and I deal with things about my grandson and I see my dil as little as possible. The few things she has mentioned that she thinks like toddlers shouldn't have anything strawberry I just do even if she is wrong.

    For some of us its really exciting being a grandmother. You and your child know you are the mother and that's what is important. Just because she acts mothering doesn't mean she thinks she is the mother.

    Answer by GailllAZ at 9:56 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • From Original Poster (OP): I am glad that she is so willing to baby sit. BUT she always wants to take him to her house, or doesn't want to visit with us at all and just wants DS to herself. I get grandma-grandchild time; but when it's ALL the time...some thing isn't right.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • From OP: I didn't mean to come across as though this is a superficial issue. It goes much deeper than just acting mothering. Even to the point where my family has noticed that MIL is strange about DS.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • I can get taking him to her house. She is comfortable there, knows where everything is, and can relax without feeling that she is a guest. The mama stuff may just be her way of expressing how much she loves him.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:09 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • From OP: That's interesting Bmat. I never really thought about it like that.

    Additionally, it doesn't matter where they are at, her house, our house, her parents house, the store: just so long as DH and I aren't around.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • It will be best if her son talks to her.

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:22 AM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • Well I wouldn't be mean but def. talk to her about calling herself mama. And if she doesn't want you around when she is with your son then there is something wrong. I would try to always be there. You don't have to be standing over them just in hearing distance. I don't trust my MIL for anything. I have bigger reasons that you but i think I know where you're coming from.

    Answer by Brandi300 at 10:24 AM on Jan. 23, 2010