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Can I drop a hint without sounding rude?

We just met a family with a daughter only a week younger than ours. We love the parents and the baby and even their four OTHER kids. Its a mad house over there, but we really do love it. My only complaint-their house is a mess. Im not just talking about clothes and toys and books all over the place...Im more concerned with all the dirt and old bits of food on the carpet and tile floors-where our babies play. They obviously dont care about it...but Ive had to take unidentifiable things out of my daughters mouth. And Im not okay with it. Is there anyway to ask her to sweep and vacuum before we come over without sounding like Im insulting her?

(and by the way, they cant come over to our house. they dont have a big enough car for all of the kids...im not sure how they handle that...so its their house or not seeing them anymore..which would suck)

Answer Question
 
oldsoulmom

Asked by oldsoulmom at 4:02 PM on Jan. 23, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 3 (22 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Wow thats a tough one. Maybe you can see if she needs some help someday cleaning up the house. Then you can go over there, help her and hope that she keeps up with it. Good luck.
    fallnangel93

    Answer by fallnangel93 at 4:05 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • maybe one day while you are there try to throw into conversation about how busy she is, and if she needs some help cleaning up to take away from all the stress that you would be happy to come over for a playdate/cleaning date. otherwise, its a tough one. good luck.
    xtwilightx

    Answer by xtwilightx at 4:06 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • i would just hold the baby and if the baby trys to get into the floor to play say something like "no hunny, you may get something in your mouth again"...maybe they will catch the hint and sweep up
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 4:11 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • ok i have a friend like that but only one kid. she admits it she hates cleaning. maybe that is your friends issue. not to be rude but how can you not have enough room in your car for all members? i came up with a solution. invite them over and offer to drive over and get the members who can't fit and drive them home. i think saying your house is messy might be insulting but depends on the person. or do what previous posters said. offer to help but if she is too busy chances it won't stay clean. can you meet at nearby park or playground? does anyone have allergies? maybe you could ask her to vacuum and sweep before because little susies nose seems bothered by dust or pet hair. my kids have asthma and one trigger is cat hair so i remind people so they will vacuum to make it possible for a visit. most people are not insulted when it is an allergy thing. good luck such a tough call.
    moonbeamgirl

    Answer by moonbeamgirl at 4:19 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • you could always ask to borrow the brook to sweep up....tell them that she is really bad about putting everything in her mouth and you just want to make sure everything is up before you put her down...i dont think that would be rude.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 4:23 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • If the mess really bothers you I would take a play pen and put your child in that to play. That way you know the child is in a 'safe' place and won't be able to pick up garbage and put in the mouth. I would also ask her to meet you in a neutral spot-- either your house or a park, play place, say something like "oh, I feel so bad that we always meet at your house, why don't we get together at XXX next time?" If she says 'our car is too small' maybe offer to let some of them ride with you. If she insists that meetings can only be at her house, then let her know that you love to get together with them, but her house has you worried- as you have noticed that the little ones seem to get at things they shouldn't. Maybe ask if she would like help 'babyproofing' her house, or if she needs someone to help her clean and organize.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • OH my i had a neighbor like that when I lived in Germany. Her house was absolutely filthy! She was a wonderful friend to me and her children were great, but her house was just awful. We would visit eachother's houses and she would always comment on how neat my home was. So I told her I wouldn't mind helping her with her house.......and I did...I bought her a 20 dollar swiffer vac...which made sweeping up all them crumbs super duper easy and fast. I think it was a good investment for my children's sake so they wouldnt eat the garbage on the floor, and I tell you what....she loved the gift!!

    I would think in your case I would ask her mother to mother if she needs help....as in "hey do you need help with the children and clean up?" You could arrange to have dinner at her house and tell her you'll come by and help with the preparation......I love that part because that means I can help "clean up" lol
    LynnB1

    Answer by LynnB1 at 4:28 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • I really don't think there's a way to say it without hurting her feelings just a little. But it does involve the safety of yours and her child! I think I would just grab a broom and sweep. She'll appreciate it! And after you could say "oh, I hope I didn't offend you, but I saw ___ that my LO would put right in her mouth" Some people just don't pay attention to that stuff! Me, I see every speck my child would grab! It would be a shame to not get to visit due to something so easily fixed!
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:32 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

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