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Christian or CONTROLLING?

Me and my family (dh, 2 kids) are staying temporarily with my dad and his wife. We have been here since the beginning of December and will be getting our own place in 2 weeks. Today, my dad walks into the room and says "Oh, by the way, if you live here, you are going to church. If not, then you have to leave" At that point we got into an argument. He went on to say that the rules are the same for anybody who has stayed here, including my brother who is 24 and just moved out a few months ago. My brother would claim he was going to church but wouldn't show up (this is a small town and so there are only a limited number of churches and my dad would check). It would have been diff. if he would have stated this before allowing us to move here, but he waited until we packed up and have been staying here
Am I going crazy? Is he overbearing? is this fair? is this Christian? Would you do this to your own child? Give them the ultimatum

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:19 PM on Jan. 23, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (31)
  • Don't act like a spoiled teen, and be all whiney about his rules while being financially supported by him - that's just tacky for an adult woman to do.

    ---------------

    I don't think the op is acting like a "spoiled teen". I think the demand is ridiculous, too. Also, finances are a reason to bully someone into religious choices? That makes no sense, dear. Tacky? I think tacky is someone who uses finances and other tactics to manipulate others in need. THAT is TACKY and sad.

    Op I feel for you. This is something I would never put anyone through.

    Yes, he is very controlling. Asking you to go and be apart of worship is one thing. Demanding you go or bye bye is silly. Sure, it is his house, he has his own rules. Doesn't make them logical.

    If he does kick you out, he will regret it sooner or later.
    Luvnmifamily

    Answer by Luvnmifamily at 10:22 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • I wouldn't force my beliefs on anyone else, my kids or not. You only have 2 weeks left, just ride it out. Remember this when your kids are older.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:20 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • I'm the op. What gets me is that I feel like he is trying to bully us into going to church by using the "Go or get out" tactic. That is pretty much forcing someone when they have no where else to go. I don't think it is right. Encouraging us to attend service is one thing, this was not encouragement. This is forceful controlling behavior. We are adults (25 and 28) and he is trying to control what we do because us living here, I think, makes him feel powerful.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:24 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • I can't imagine ever telling anyone they were required to be a part of any religion just to stay in my home. That's controlling! Unfortunately, it's his house and he does have the right to make that rule. But I would have to agree that he should have made it clear BEFORE you moved in!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 9:24 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • it would only be two Sundays? you can day dream while there lol he can't make you listen

    but no, that isn't christian IMO
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • Yea. We aren't going :D I just wanted to see if anyone thought he was controlling. I think it is sad that you refuse to support your own child in their time of need because they do not attend church when you want them to. That says a lot about him as a parent.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:27 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • Well, he could be totally unreasonable and charge you money for your stay. I think it's a small price to pay, but probably something I would consider to be controlling as well. Out of respect and gratitude, I think it would be a nice gesture to honor his wishes as he is providing a roof over your head, food to eat, etc. It is only two Sundays after all.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 9:29 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • Doesnt sound Christ-like to me. Sounds very controlling. I can see him asking you not talk a certain way in his home, but to force you to go to church is just going too far. Sounds like a good way to drive people out of your life. Its only 2 weeks, right? Better than 2 months.
    _Kitty_kat_

    Answer by _Kitty_kat_ at 9:29 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • He is pretty bad about control. I called my mom who divorced him years ago and that ws why. She said he has been that way for decades and she couldn't take it anymore. Not only with church, but with what she wore, what she watched on tv, lots of stuff...

    Yea it is only 2 sundays, but that is not the point. The point is, I will not be bullied into ANYTHING. Not even from my own father. If he wants to kick us out, so be it. Will he? i doubt it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:29 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • That sounds pretty ridiculous, and very controlling and unfortunately it is Christian like. If you look at it from his point of view, he is trying to put you into his perception of the "right" way of life. I take it that he cares for you and your family's spiritual being. He is coming off pushy and probably overbearing, but he is a dad and that is his way of showing you how dedicated he is to his responsibilities as a parent to keep you on the good side. I'm sure he feels he is doing the right thing.


    You guys are out in two weeks what is two Sundays at church? If you are secure in your beliefs then it shouldn't phase you, but rather strengthen your mind and heart to withstand  and filter through any b/s.

    sugahmamma

    Answer by sugahmamma at 9:30 PM on Jan. 23, 2010