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My DH's cousin has a crush on him???

Okay. first off, my DH's dad was adopted so his cousin isn't actually blood related.
So anyways, she already admitted to him a while back that when they were younger she had a crush on him. ...well, i don't think it's gone away. She tells him she loves him more then i think is normal in a female to male cousin relationship. and the way she talks to me about him is weird. my DH agrees that the relationship is awkward and that at times he almost feels like he shouldn't be talking to her because of this. He's a good man. I'm not in any way thinking he's messing with her (he's overseas anyways) ...but how do i confront her about this without accusing? and what if we're wrong??


Asked by Anonymous at 2:57 AM on Jan. 24, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • Truthfully he need to deal with this. Cousin by adopt or marriage what ever, it is still his side of the family. JMO


    Answer by louise2 at 7:25 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I would just tell her that while she may not mean to that he behavior comes across sexual in nature and it bothers the both of you, and maybe she might want to think about it and tone it down, and if it is a sexual thing with her she will get all defensive and mad, and if she is just a too friendly person she will say ok and and work on it. I know I can be too friendly sometimes it is just my strong personality but if I am told about it I agree and tone it down. Good luck this is a tough one.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 3:05 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Can you just not have her over anymore?
    No one like to be confronted- so I cant imagine how it could go well.

    Answer by _Kitty_kat_ at 3:06 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • she doesn't come over at all. we talk online and she's always asking me if i can tell him to call her. and's just kind of odd. One time he asked her why she wants to talk to him all the time and she said it was because they are cousins and she loves him. ...but she's not like this with her other cousins and the only time she talks to me is when she wants to talk to him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • That is kinda creepy.
    Maybe next time she messages for you to have him call, just tell her no. That youre just not comfortable with all this.
    It may irritate her, but she needs to back off if it is bothering you, but you gotta let her know that it is bothering you.

    Answer by _Kitty_kat_ at 3:23 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • This is not normal behavior cousin or not. He needs to be the one that says he does not like the conversations she is having with him. He does not have to be rude but make sure he gets his point across to her. She sounds creepy to me though!

    Answer by ronjwake at 3:32 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I agree with Louise2... he should handle it.
    You could say "I'll give him your msg" and if he wants to call he will, if he doesn't want to talk to her, he shouldn't call.
    I love my cousins and I am closer to some than others. He tells me he loves me when we're hanging up. Personally I'm uncomfortable saying it back, but I'm just not the kind that says it to everyone, some people are. I have a female friend who is very open with saying it to me (again I don't say it back), I just say "yea yea yea" and move on.
    If he doesn't want to call her... he doesn't have to, it's not required.
    If he's in the military, then maybe she worries about him? I would be if it was my cousin. Blood doesn't make a family so the adoption doesn't mean anything to me. There are a LOT of cousins who've had crushes on each other tho (that are blood related and usually don't see each other often).

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:24 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • That is true that lot of cousins have crushes on each other. I had a crush on my cousin when we were younger. And honestly, he has grown up to be a very attractive man.
    And it's true that blood doesn't make a family.

    When he doesn't want to call her, he doesn't. But when it's been a while i know he feels like he should. And he's not overseas in a war zone. he's in Germany!!! lol. there's not much reason to worry.

    Honestly, DH and i joke about it often. I tell him to call his other girlfriend and he knows who i'm talking about. then he does some kind of exaggerated impression of her on the phone and we both laugh.

    ...But we have both agreed that it's very odd behavior and we've talked about him bringing it up to her but we weren't sure what would be best. ...and i have no problem confronting her about it. I'm not the shy type.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • He doesn't have an online account so she can just talk/email to him directly?
    Why doesn't she just call him herself? If anything it would just get old to me.
    I'm curious tho... what kind of weird things does she say about him to you?
    If you're not shy and he doesn't mind... then maybe you should say what you think, as nice as possible.
    I haven't talked to several of my cousins in years (about 15 yrs on a LOT of them), others it's been a few years, some it's just been several months. No need to really... we're just not close and I'm tired of trying to make the effort for them.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:38 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • he does have an online account but he's busy working most of the time and because he's in Germany the times are flipped. So when she's up and wanting to talk to him, he's sleeping and vs verse.
    She doesn't call him because he's in Germany. It's expensive and he doesn't have a phone of his own to be reached on, except his cell phone which is used for work purposes.
    Well, just her continuously asking me how come he hasn't called her yet is weird. And why doesn't he have internet or a phone or whatever. It does get old and i think she can tell my patients is running thin. ....and for example, when i told her that i would tell him that he should call her and he didn't get to it right away her myspace status said "i wish that somebody would call me so i don't have to worry any more". ...uh. why does she have to worry? she talks to me all the time and knows that he's safe.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

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