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Dumping a Friend?

I've had a friend for about 20 years. We have been through a lot together. However, her behavior towards me has become increasingly disrespectful, I feel. She doesn't answer my texts. When I call her to chat, if she is doing something else, instead of asking if I can call her back, she acts distracted and gets annoyed that I have called. I work full time and still find time to talk with her and text if I can't talk. She is home all day (her kids are almost grown) yet still just can't seem to find the time to talk. She has conversations with her kids while on the phone with me.

I have been very understanding and tried to be a good friend to her even though I have not agreed with her lifestyle choices. There is a lot of things that she has done that I have not agreed with, yet I have supported her. I won't; however, agree with her decisions.

What should I do?

Answer Question
 
RunninRagged64

Asked by RunninRagged64 at 8:44 AM on Jan. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I think you should just tell her how you feel. Ask her if there's something wrong or if she's upset with you for something. I mean you can't expect her to be able to just talk whenever...I can appreciate that because my friend's call me when I'm home with my son and sometimes I'm busy cleaning or taking care of him and I tell them I have to go or call them back, and I completely forget. But if she is acting disrespectful towards you about it, maybe there's something else going on. All you can do is ask her about it and tell her how you are feeling. Communication is the key.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 8:49 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • The writing is on the wall. She is done with your friendship. I know it is terribly difficult, but let her go.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:00 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I agree with bmat.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 9:35 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Tell her how you feel. People get so caught up in life. This happened between my best friend and I, lots of angry feeling and our friendship seemed to fade. We talked one day, laughed, cried and made up. I told her exactly how I felt and now we talk more often. GL
    ProudMom_5703

    Answer by ProudMom_5703 at 10:43 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I also agree the friendship is over. I had a friend for over 16 yrs, but our differences just got to be to great. We outgrew each other. I found talking to her or being around her was not fun for me anymore. I have to admit I was a coward and rather than tell her about it, I just did what your friend is doing. I just distanced myself from her and declined her invitations. However, I also knew trying to tell her it was time for the friendship to end would just cause a huge fight and she would not let it go gracefully. It took over a yr for her to stop all contact, but she has and I am much happier not having that "friendship" in my life. Sad, but true.
    sherlee

    Answer by sherlee at 10:59 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Sounds to me like she might have a lot on her plate. I think the older the kids get the more worries they give you, the more time they get from you even if they're not there (constantly worrying about where they are, what they're doing, with whom, are they going to get a job, can you pay for the classring, and the list goes on and on) and of course being married, having a job, bills, and life in general everyone has busy, worrisome times.
    When she starts a conversation with someone else, politely say "it sounds like you're busy right now, call me back when you find the time". If she doesn't call back in several days, then maybe the friendship indeed is over.
    All friendships should be open to discussion tho. If you can't talk about how you feel, then do you really call it a frienship?
    Talk to her, tell her how you're feeling and if nothing changes... then let it go knowing you tried.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:14 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I think you should just delete her number from your phone and not get in contact w/ her anymore. I've recently just deleted a friend from my FB and myspace and deleted her number on my phone. We were good friends for a few years. My hubby is her ex's brother. So we kind of had things to talk about. Right after she broke up w/ her ex, my brother in-law, she stopped calling or writing or txting. I was the only one reaching out to her and she didn't seem at all concerned about me and my life anymore. I understand that she's moved on but I didn't understand why she was treating our friendship in such a neglecting way. It took me a few months to think about her ways then I finally decided that I've tried to stay her friend but she obviously has moved on past me so I'm over it.
    scm1983

    Answer by scm1983 at 12:12 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • if you've been friends that long I would tell her how you feel before ending the friendship. I agree with the PP, I think it is possible she is done with the friendship but she could also be distracted. After 20 years she deserves a conversation about it as do you.
    newmomma14

    Answer by newmomma14 at 1:29 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • What do you have to lose by asking her about it and letting her know how her behavior is making you feel? If she is just caught up in her own life it will get her attention. If she is done, at least you will know you tried...and then you can have a clear head when let it go.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 6:16 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

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