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my step son is only here 4-7 times a month. he is 17. He feel he needs his own room. Do you agree?

I feel he already has his own room at his moms. Why should he have two? When he is here he has use of a very large room. we have it set up with a tv and x box and a dresser with his clothes. He is very cozy when he is here. However she has to share it with my younger son. I make my son sleep in his sister's room when my steps0n comes over. He is being a real brat over this. What should I say. I have tried to make it very teen friendly. No ones meses with his stuff when he is not around. God I shared a room with 3 of my sisters growing up.

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oliviahank

Asked by oliviahank at 11:40 AM on Jan. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 8 (261 Credits)
Answers (48)
  • He's 17 for goodness sake. Yes he should have privacy. Do you want your son seeing what he might be doing in the privacy of THEIR room together? Boys are not like girls. So sharing a room at 17 is not an option in my opinion.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:43 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • i think if the younger boy is sleeping with the sister when he is there and no one touches his stuff then that should be fine and at 17 really shouldnt he be getting ready to go to collage all freshman share a dorm room i think its time to grow up a little...so no i dont think your wrong in this
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 11:51 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Nope, you can't make things too comfort he is almost 18 and should be out the door. Doesn't like the arrangements then he can stay longer at his mom's.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • well if there sint any more rooms in the house,she said her son doesnt sleep in there when the stepson is over.. i dont see a problem unless u have a basment or a larg closet or something taht u can change it into.
    angelairelan

    Answer by angelairelan at 11:52 AM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I think he wants to feel like he lives there too when he's there. I don't think I'd add on to the house, or go buy a new house but I'd explain to him that I wish we could do that, but financially it isn't plausible to do that with him being so close to having a place of his own for you to get a loan to remodel or purchase when he likely will have his own place before you debt is even paid for. Ask him for suggestions on how you can make him feel more comfortable. You might be surprised with his answer. Maybe he just wants you to offer, to ask... can't hurt to ask for ideas.
    Does the younger one come in and out of the room to play with his stuff/get things? It's really a tough place you're in because the younger chid is being "kicked out" of his room while the sibling is there, so it's possible there will be some resentment there.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:03 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I think its a power play, he just wants to see if you will accommodate him. Ask him to suggest a space in the house and them show him how much it will cost to renovate. If he is going to college soon, ask him if he really thinks its a sound investment.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • To the first answer you must have read it wrong. My younger son sleep in bunk beds with his sister when my 17 year olds stepson is over. My kids are 7 and 8 eighteen months apart. And yes my 7 year old is being kicked out of his room when he is over. Not too happy but he seem to understand thay he needs to share and he will be leaving for college next August. He does not mess with older step brother's stuff. He is not here much. Like this week he will be here once. The only thing he does when he comes over here is play xbox live. Which he loves(He is a total gamer) and we bought him the complete setup, head phones, texting stuff. Probably over 600 dollars of stuff so he can game. plus he has his own computer. I think the room looks cool. He says he just wants it for himself. It seems crazy since he is here two weekend out of the month. And like this week he is coming over to get help with homwork.
    oliviahank

    Answer by oliviahank at 12:49 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • It sounds like you live in a 3 bdrm place?

    In a 3 bdrm you don't have the room to give all 3 kids their own room unless you can remodel and make an extra room. I would put both your son and step-son in the same room on bunk-beds. He hasn't any reason to complain given you can’t fairly give each child their own room. He's less than a year from being a legal adult that can move out and get his own space if that’s what he wants.

    I would also call the room they share ‘the boys room’ not just ‘your sons room’ and when your step-sons around ‘your step-sons room’. As for 'his' things put them in a containers for him to store 'his' items when he's not using them or isn't around, let him know if they're not put up then they will get ruined and that will be his own fault; his things his responsibility.

    If you live in a 4 bdrm place with 3 kids then yeah he should have his own room.
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 1:02 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • i wouldn't buy a new house for him, but privacy is ok for him too. he may just want to feel like he is really a part of your family.
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 1:04 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Why shouldnt he have his own room?sound to me like you are another one of those stepmothers who comes in destroys the kids family life and then forces the kids out of the dads life completly sooner or later.I came from one of those families and let me tell you something it was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. do you have kids? do they have their own room in the house? He is 17 he needs privacy no matter what the deal is.I can't believe people can be so selfish..... My husband and I were starting out and my dad had rental property,well apparently her daughter with 5 children on welfare were better then us to move in it ...o0o and my father doesnt even make her pay rent he pays her lights and water and cable internet and phone.he even bought her a van knowing I needed a car. well that is what stepmothers will get ya. it sickens me how shitty people get all the help when honest people get the shitty end of the deal.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

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