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Maybe we don't belong together.

My husband and I have been married a year, together almost 7. We have a son plus my 2 from a previous. I love him. He works hard and doesn't go out. But he plays video games all the time and isn't very affectionate. I feel unhappy. Like something is missing. He doesn't feel like my best friend. He's not mean, not abusive, just kind of boring. I have talked about it with him a million times but I just feel like something isn't meant to be. I am extremely physically attracted to him so that isn't an issue. What the heck is wrong?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:39 PM on Jan. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I disagree with everyone above...My man bought a stupid video game and sat there night after night for 2-3 hrs. after work pkaying that stupid thing~! He finally got ahold of himself and actually returned it without any prompting from me because he felt like it was sucking away his soul...lol Your man should take his hands of those stupid controls and give you a hug and a squeeze every night just to show you he loves you imo...and this may sound harsh, but neglect is a form of abuse...no, neglect..IS abuse of you look it up...ignoring your partners emotional needs is considered emotionally abusive, he's supposed to love and care for you and it sounds to me as though he isn't even listening. I'd tell him I was walking if he didn't start steppin up to the plate and engaging in the relationship if I were you...tell him the video games go or you do...if you try and compromise, limit his time with them, he won't stick to it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Surely this isn't something new. Odds say he was like this before you got married. Why did you expect it to change? The media lies about what marriage is supposed to be like. There are times in a marriage where it does get boring. If he's boring, it' means you're boring too. Read the book, the language of love and have him read it as well. The biggest thing is communication. If he doesn't know how you feel and doesn't know what you want, you won't get it.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 3:43 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • If you aren't happy, that is your problem..not his and has nothing to do with the relationship. You need to find something, like a hobby, that you enjoy and get satisfaction from. Women expect men to "complete them." If he's living up to his responsibilities and isn't mean or disrespectful, then you need to stop placing your unhappiness on his shoulders. You have kids in the middle of this mess. Don't put stress and strain on your marriage just because you aren't happy. Take care of yourself and your marriage and bring happiness and balance back to your home.

    I agree with what legalmommy101 had to say too. I also suggest the book "Secrets of Happily Married Women" and "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It." Those 2 books saved my marriage.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 3:49 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I totally agree with legalmommy. Marriage isn't all rainbows and butterflies. Communication is the key, and also realizing that you can't change a person. He likes video games, maybe he thinks some of your likes are boring too (my husband and I aren't completely alike either!!!!) Maybe there is something the two of you like doing together, like golfing or going out to dinner/wine tasting??
    prettyrayray

    Answer by prettyrayray at 3:49 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Finding a good man is a rare thing nowadays. Maybe you should concentrate on the good and work on the rest. I had to adjust to my SO who isn't affectionate. He's a good man. We all have to adjust sometimes but if we focus on the good we can still have a good life.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:53 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I agree with the other women, you need to figure out what makes you happy. It is not your husband's job to make you happy. So he plays games? Big deal, find a hobby that you can do while he is playing a game. You two have been together a long time. Sometimes you have to put in some energy to make things fun again. Do not give up on your marriage.
    FL2AK

    Answer by FL2AK at 4:06 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Go out with your single girlfriends and listen to how this or that guy didn't call, or this one is out all night, or that one is cheating.. Hell go on here and read the Posts. Your man might not be so bad. Affection can be worked on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I personally love it when my husband plays his video games, It gives me time to be me. To tie up the days loose ends with out him making me mad. It keeps him out of my way. I also use that time to hang out with my friends. Being married isn't anything different from dating except for all the legal mumbo-jumbo. If your life was truly like this before marriage and you were happy then, why did you let yourself down by expecting it to change. If you are having problems getting your husband to act affectionate do something dramatic to catch his attention and arousal. There are plenty of ways to get him to give you the attention you desire with all the excitement you need. I also make myself feel more wanted and attractive by going to Victoria's Secret and buy myself something new to wear even if its just a bra. Go to the gym on a reg basis too... you let out alot of frustration there! Good Luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:01 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I do agree it could be worse but I still feel too young to be this lonely.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

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