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How to deal with ex-friend at school and kids events?

I have recently had a very long,close friendship come to an ugly end. This friend has had severe problems with instability and has been in recovery for alchoholism and drug issues. (This is only relevant here because it creates a very volitile situation in my opinion when she's this angry, and I think it puts her sobriety in jeopardy.)
This has been a toxic friendship for a couple of years now, but I have always tried to salvage things because our two boys, 9, are in the same school and have known one another since birth. But for the third (and final) time, this girl has gone off the deep end on me, and this time it was very verbally abusive.It was over an argument our boys had, and she sent me multiple texts that were shocking and disgusting. Now I have to see this girl at the kids school and weekly activities. I am very sensitive, and she is very domineering and manipulative when angry. How do I handle this in public??

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:57 PM on Jan. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Just don't talk to her except for when it's a must. Keep it civil if it's a must, otherwise just ignore her.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 7:00 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I know not to speak to her, and I doubt she would want to, but I do anticipate her talking to other parents....probably loudly, if I know her as well as I think I do.
    I do anticipate her speaking to my son, and that will REALLY bother me.
    I know that she will do all she can to get a reaction out of me, and I'm wondering how I can respond in a way that will best save my reputation, and not give her what she wants, which is to see me squirm. Thing is, I know I will be squirming. I am just sensitive to conflict like that.

    Answer by mom2ellisnjane at 7:05 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Avoid her. If you have to speak to her just be civil to her.


    Answer by louise2 at 7:06 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • If you think she'll confront your son, you should probably speak to him first. Obviously leave out the scarier stuff but explain that you two had a fight, just like he sometimes fights with his friends, and that if she tries to talk to him about it, he should walk away and tell you what happened.

    Otherwise, you'll just have to ignore her, like the others said. If she bad-mouths you to other parents, she'll only be making herself look bad. Remember that. What she says is a reflection on her, not on you, and people intuitively pick up on that, especially if she's got a drinking problem.

    Answer by girathryn at 8:04 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Get buck!

    With people like that you have to flash your teeth and show them that you are not scared. Being nice obviously isn't going to work with this woman. Do it in front of others, embarrass her, let her know that you are not going to put up with her bullshit anymore, and that she needs to grow up so that whatever issues you two have don't affect the children.

    Answer by BaisMom at 8:25 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

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