Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Does your child talk about death?

My 4 year old is starting to talk about death & dying alot. I am not sure where she is coming up with it. She has had one great granmother top die but that was 1 1/2 years ago. Anybody else's child do this? is this normal?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:01 PM on Jan. 24, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • yes my son has army guys being killed left and right...star wars guys blast them away
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:04 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • My 5 year old started talking about death not to long ago and he lost his Great Grandfather about 1 1/2 yrs ago too. I know he was close to him so I'm thinking it might be something to do with that because he is talking about him a lot. I've heard that it's normal so I'm not worrying about it to much. I hope this helps.
    Juggalette0327

    Answer by Juggalette0327 at 8:06 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • My 4 year old does it too, I'm not entirely sure where it came from, maybe when he asked about who my husbands dad was, (his grandfather died when I was pregnant with him.) I also was talking about a cat I used to have and he asked what happened to her and I said she died. So there are some places he might of got it from. But he does seem to talk about it kind of a lot. He wants to know if he will die, and when and how, and the worst was when he out of no where said to my mom, "you're going to die" it was kind of creepy. Today he was saying how he only has one great grandma and how his other great grandparents are dead. Then he asked if his great grandma was dead now, I didn't know what to say except "Well I sure hope not!"
    mybella81

    Answer by mybella81 at 8:24 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • i think our 4 yr old's minds are a lot more complicated than we realize... they absorb a LOT more than we realize, and it doesn't usually show right away... a lot of it they collect from television and movies, video games, and just observation of everyday life...
    my daughter woke up the other night, and told me that she had a bad dream that I died. In the dream she tried to save me, but she couldn't because she was stuck behind a fence. after that, i realized just how complicated her thoughts really are, and as much as we want to protect them, they pick up pieces and information from EVERYWHERE...
    i think its normal, at this age, for them to realize that life isn't permanent... but i also think that it's good for us to keep on trying to protect our kids from being overly exposed to these scary ideas. while it's important for them to understand death and dying, its also important that they don't become desensitized...
    katatrinakay

    Answer by katatrinakay at 8:38 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • My seven year old has a morbid streak- he asks about burial customs, different beliefs about the afterlife, mummification- you name it! My other kids don't seem to be as curious as him, but I know my five year old has talked about it over the years, and even today my three year old mentioned that Great-Grandma died (last fall, I know she does remember her) and will have people 'die' in imaginary play.
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 8:52 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • my son weirded me out tonight...
    Over the summer our landlord died and we have always been close with his wife and him, so obviously i had to tell my son that he had died.... and he talked about it often afterward but he hasn't said much lately...
    all of a sudden tonight we were reading a bedtime story (Horton hears a who, i think it was, so nothing at all about death...) and he just out of the blue said "why did bill die?" and i was like... uh... well yeah, it happens...we talked about it for a minute and i asked him why he was thinking about it. he didn't elaborate though so we went on with our story. strange. he is 3 1/2 now. i wish i had a better explanation for him. i don't want him to worry about it because death is a part of life. i think that part of it is just so tough for them to understand so young.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Yes...when my son started talking a lot about death, he told me that if I died, he and daddy would move so that they could live by my "gravy."

    Two weeks ago, he asked me, "Mommy, when I'm a teenager, will you be dead?"
    I was startled, but replied emphatically, "Um, no."
    "Will you be almost dead? Will you look like Grandma G?" (my seventy-year-old maternal grandmother)
    Well...I did my best to keep a straight face, and carefully replied, "No, I will not."
    SAHM_USAF

    Answer by SAHM_USAF at 10:45 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Death is fascinating. Isn't that why people are hell-bent on trying to figure out the cause of everyone's death? Children don't understand death, and cannot comprehend it until they are older. I finally got it in my teenage years. We miss the people we love, and when they die, there is a void in our hearts. Once we mature, we can understand that everyone's time is short, some more than others, and we accept it. Children cannot accept the finality of death because they are so young and have their whole lives. It's scary to them, so that's why they play pretend games where army guys or Barbie dolls die. It helps them understand.
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 11:37 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • yup. my son did it from even younger but thought well its just him. My dd who is four just recently was sitting next to me on the couch... mommy what happens when you die? why do people die? is cuca (my 89 year old great auntthat lives with us) going to die? why?"
    fun questions out of nowhere just as you are starting to relax on a saturday night....
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 11:57 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • by the way one of the things I did was refer to "the circle of life" I told her that our body just wears out and then we go on. That diff. people believe diff. things happen after you die but that I believe that your soul/spirit the part that is really you just moves on (she added to heaven-- and I agreed). Yes, Cuca is going to die b/c she is old and her body is wearing out. "When/" I don't know. "Are you going to die" someday. "Me?" -- yes A. one day you will die too. "I don't want to die" -- well you will live on its your body that dies and its just a new beg. like the circle of life...

    Only kids will start existential conversations like this at the craziest times. My ds once asked me "who's God" as I was getting him dressed for daycare!!!!! Yeah that was a fun question to answer b/f my morn. coffee
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 12:01 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.