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My husband hates me

I dont know what to do anymore. He says I tell him what to do, I dont think I do it as much as he does. I honestly dont even understand what is happening. He says he loves me, but that he cant deal with me. I have too many "issues". I currently am battling anorexia, and although i am doing good, its seems like its not enough. I dont know what to do anymore, I love him, but dont know how to make our marriage work. Has anyone else been through this? What can do to try and improve things? How can I show him that I want this to work, and I love him? Please help any advice would be helpful!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on Jan. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • You are responsible for giving your best. He is responsible for giving his . Nobody likes to be bossed and the repercussions of controlling behavior is that the more you try to control someone, the more YOU are controlled. Men need to be needed and women need to be validated. Until we learn to satisfy this need in each other, the fight will remain fixed. Good luck and best wishes.
    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 10:13 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • He can't hate you and love you at the same time. Tell him this is what marriage is all about, learning about each other and adjusting to each other. It's also about helping the other work through issues. He may have been daydreaming through the "for better or worse" part of the vows. He should be supportive not attacking you. Get some help from either counseling from a professional counselor, a pastor, an older family member or friend you both respect but tell him you don't abandon ship at the first sign of water. Many things can be fixed easily. Tell him to at least try.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:15 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I agree with both comments
    alejandra559

    Answer by alejandra559 at 10:17 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I think you need to work on you before you can work on the 2 of you
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • OP here thank you both for your answers it gives me something to think about. I just feel at such a loss. I mean I already hate myself, and he not waning to deal with me, makes me hate myself even more. I do know he says that he does try, and he just wants me to stop acting like his mom nd more like his wife, which I thought I was doing. IDK I just feel like nothing is even worth it anymore.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • If you love him and he loves you and you both want to work on it then it is worth it.

    But i do not personally believe that you can truly love another until you have learned to love yourself.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 10:28 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Seek therapy to help you learn to love yourself. Your eating disorder is not something that should be battled alone. Take care of yourself first. We nearly lost my sister to bulemia about 15 years ago. She got help and it took more than one try with therapy to help her learn to love herself. What I remember her saying is she felt like she couldn't control anything in her life except for what went into her body. For her to get to that point took some time. A room mate of hers was extremely controlling of her home life because she found she had control issues. Eating disorders are a real problem that needs real help and real therapy. There are many reasons why people have eating disorders, the key is to find yours with a doctors help. Please make sure to get help. You are loved and needed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • I can't help with the eating disorder part but I can offer a bit of advice with your DH. I have a job where I need to take charge of situations and people on a regular basis. I am used to telling people what to do. At home with my DH and my kids, I really have to pay attention to what I say and how I say it or I tend to sound like I'm issuing orders. I try to make a point of taking a second to stop and think before I speak. I tend to slip up if I'm tired or cranky but it does help. Try it...just take a breath before you start to speak to your DH and try to make sure your tone and wording aren't going to sound condescending or "orderish".

    Good luck!
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 11:10 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Answered at 8:01 PM on Jan. 24, 2010 by: Anonymous --You are loved and needed.

    I really wish I felt this way
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Have you tried couples counseling?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:41 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

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