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What would you do?

My husband an I have been having lots of trouble lately. He is controlling and won't give me money or put me on his bank account. I'm a SAHM. We don't have sex much cuz my episiotomy area still hurts after 7 months. We have gone 3 weeks without sex and 2 days ago he tried to cheat on me with 4 girls. I've been struggling with my feelings for him since our baby was born 7 months ago. I am not affectionate and I lost the loving feeling. I've been trying to decide on divorcing him or not and my son and I live at my moms for now so I can figure out what to do. I just need to know what I should do, I need ideas! I'm torn. Please help. I feel as if we would be better off divorced. I'm just confused. This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make. :(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on Jan. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Have you been able to talk to him about how you feel? Do you think he would try counseling? I would try to talk to him before you thought about divorcing him. Maybe even separating for a little bit may help also? What do you mean he TRIED to cheat on you?
    JacobsMommy05

    Answer by JacobsMommy05 at 11:05 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • He tried to cheat on you?? You mean you caught him trying? Chances are that wasn't the first and won't be the last. Be very wary of what you believe. He has probably already cheated.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Once a cheater always a cheater...so so tru! Maybe its best you call it quiets!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Oh dear. Nothing messes you up more than post pregnancy hormones and to add all of this onto it is brutal. Try counselling maybe but get your own head sorted out as well. I wish you luck momma *hugs*. You can message me anytime if you want...I'm killing time at work and will be here till around 3am (it's 11:20pm here now).
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 11:18 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Have you tried talking to him at all? He's going to help you make your decision hun.....you need to see what he wants to do......if you two are willing to do couples therapy, individual therapy, work it out or divorce.....you need his input.
    LynnB1

    Answer by LynnB1 at 11:33 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • Three weeks without sex and he is already going to someone else for release. that is not acceptable.
    alejandra559

    Answer by alejandra559 at 11:43 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • If it was me(and I'm not saying this is what you should do, only that it's what I would do) I would be done. He can't go for a few weeks without sex so that you don't feel pain and discomfort without running off to find some random skanks to sleep with? That's harsh.
    I would not stay.

    I agree with anon:14-once a cheater always a cheater.

    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 11:43 PM on Jan. 24, 2010

  • He's not a guy worth being with. Sex shouldn't be his main concern. You should be. If he loved you he wouldn't have tried to cheat with 4 different women. You shouldn't even waste time talking to him. You know you can and should move on. When a man shows you how he feels his words don't matter after that. It's not what he says it what he does that matters most.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 1:48 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • I'm the bad guy here... depending on your age especially.... very little sex in all of these months is a problem. 3 weeks is a LONG time to a young man but you can take care of his needs in other ways. I am NOT condoning any form of cheating and you have every right to be hurt that he didn't come to you before he TRIED to go somewhere else. Having had a bad episiotomy myself (it took me about a year to get over it), I do understand that pain. My estrogen was low also because of breast feeding which made sex even more painful but finally I went to the dr and got some help. IF you want to save the marriage, then I suggest you do the same thing.
    Once a cheater, always a cheater is NOT true. People sometimes can change, sometimes it takes drastic measures, sometimes it's religion, sometimes it's a lot of different things, but anyone is capable of changing.
    It's all up to you to know what your heart and mind tells you to do.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:20 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • I know its hard to go that long without sex.. he should not have tried to cheat.. you two should have tried to solve the sex issue before it got this bad.. there are sex toys or oral or etc.. but a marriage is 50/50 if he's not putting you on the accounts then you should divorce him.. sounds like he's treating you like a child by handing out the money.... honestly just work on staying civil for your son but in my opinion you can do better
    Jan0609momma

    Answer by Jan0609momma at 4:14 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

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