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How do you feel about women who let their children call another man "daddy" even if the child(ren)'s father is as involved as he can be?

Take, for example-someone I know of who a few weeks after meeting a man let a child that was not his call him "daddy"...He told her not to do that, because there is no telling how long the two of them would be involved and that is NOT cool to let a child call another man daddy so long as their bio dad is alive.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Jan. 25, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (50)
  • Bad idea. I don't believe in children calling those outside the family by family titles like daddy, uncle, aunt, etc. I don;t care how long a man has lived with the mother and her children, also a bad idea and very tacky, how much he spends on them or how many ballgames he takes them to, it doesn't make him daddy. The same goes for aunts dating and trying to get all the kids to call him uncle. Until they are married he is not the uncle and should not be included in family events. I am having to deal with this one right now. This kind of thing is in very bad taste.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • My DD has 2 men she calls Daddy. By her own choice she has called my DH that since she was 2. She knows who takes care of her and who will ALWAYS be there no matter what. I don't see any problem with a child calling someone else Daddy as long as it is a long term relationship with mom and SO. Just dating no way!!!! I call my step-dad Daddy too!
    Fordmomma

    Answer by Fordmomma at 9:51 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • Not the best of ideas even if the bio dad isnt around much and also introducing kids early in a relationship not good either, i know you have to move on but i also think your friend may be rushing it, although i dont know the whole situation, i think everyone needs to take time out, before rushing into a new relationship whether children involved or not, or who left who etc.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • That is a bad idea, my step boys don't even call me Mama or Mommy and we have them full time.
    daisy521

    Answer by daisy521 at 10:06 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • That is just confusing the child. It is NOT OK!!! The only person that should be called daddy is, well, the childs daddy. IF something happened to the bio father, OR if the bio father isn't involved AND the mother has MARRIED the step father and he has actually taken the bio fathers place - then it's fine. But not at all OK in the situation you discribed.

    I don't understand why woman just bring men in and out of young childrens lives. Children need stability. Bringing in a new "daddy" every few months is going to do nothing but cause a lot of problems for that child. The children need to be protected better than that.
    ratchetlee

    Answer by ratchetlee at 10:07 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • Just b/c the bio father is alive does not mean he deserves the title of daddy. When my SO and I get married, if my kids choose to, they will call him daddy or dad. Their bio father walked out on them more than 5 yrs ago, does not call, write, send presents at holidays/birthdays, e-mail, pay child support, visit them. He doesn't even acknowledge their existence. So...when my SO is doing everything a dad should do, and once we are married has that legal tie to them, why should he be denied that title simply b/c the man who donated sperm is still alive?

    Now, if the father is involved, that is different. But honestly, even then, I think it really should be up to the kids. I would never tell my kids to call anyone dad or daddy, that is something that they and my SO have to work out. That is their relationship with each other, and I can't force it or make the decisions.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:18 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • I think it's okay if it's a long term thing and the kid chooses to. I have a SS who calls me Mom and his Bio Mom "Mother". It was his choice because he said he has two moms. He lives with us. But to have a kid call somebody Daddy after only a few weeks of knowing him is (IMO) wrong.
    Juggalette0327

    Answer by Juggalette0327 at 10:28 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • All 4 of my children from a previous marriage call my husband daddy. He stepped in when they were little its been 7 years now. I didnt have them call him that they all just did it. Their bio dad is alive but hasnt bothered to see them since 10 years ago. His loss.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 10:29 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • I COMPLETELY agree with ratchetlee. I don't think a child should call the next man daddy unless the bio dad was extremely physically abusive or in the least bit sexually abusive.
    WatermelonNerd

    Answer by WatermelonNerd at 10:53 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • My stepson calls me "Mommy" and his bio mom "Mom" That be however, be due to the fact that I was the first mother he knew. His mom was barely in his life as an infant, not at all as a toddler, and then resurfaced around age 4 1/2. So it is a little different for us. However, in the case where dad is actively involved, and the relationship is new, I think this crosses bounds. I should mention that my son decided to call me Mommy. He knows, and always has, that he had a different mom than me. So, that was never forced and we never pretended that I was his bio mother. I think it should be up to the child and the child should never be forced to call the new person something other than their first name. However, I also think that children shouldn't be exposed to every new person that Mom or Dad dates. When it starts getting more serious, then introduce the children. But I think meeting a new boyfriend every month is too hard.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 10:56 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

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