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My 3 year old daughter said she wished she looked like a boy so she could marry a girl

Today my 3.5 year old daughter told me that she had a secret and whispered into my ear the statement from above . So now I have to ask, is this a good indicator that she might grow up to be a lesbian or should I not take this comment too seriously. She likes dressing like a girl and has girl interests so I don't think that she will actually wish to be a male, but to be honest I am a little concerned about the marrying a girl part. Please do not bash me for this. Obviously I will love her the same regardless if she is gay or straight, but to be honest I would prefer for her to be straight so yes I am freaking a bit right now.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Jan. 25, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (23)
  • did you ask her why or anything?
    Not to be judgemental, but do 3.5 yr olds really know anything about what marriage means and relationships etc?...Where would she even start thinking about marrying someone else at that age?
    I wouldn't encourage it, but I would listen to her when she says those things. Obviously you want to be there as a parent.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • I wouldnt put to much into it at this point. She is only 3. I do have a lesbian friend who said at around 5 she would play house and always want to be the dad she said her mom knew right then she was. Dont freak it could have been a passing thought.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 10:23 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • I think that you should pay close attention to the way she interacts with both sexes. She could grow up lesbian (not all are tomboys). On the other hand she could be wanting this b/c she has bad or little interaction with boys. Either way, you shouldn't be concerned with what she said. After all, if she had whispered that she wished she could get married to billy down the street it wouldn't even be an issue. Let her be who she is without any influence of your moral or religious beliefs. And I think you are lucky that she told you with confidence. She trust you so be careful not to try and sculpt her into someone she is not. She is only 3, just let her be.


    Answer by sugahmamma at 10:23 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • It could just be an overactive imagination. Kids are weird.

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 10:25 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • Something probably made her upset and this seems like a logical solution.

    One day my 5 yr old brother wanted to learn how to do his laundry and make grilled cheese. After mom showed him he said, "Good, now I don't have to get married." Because the wife makes food and does laundry, he thought. He then explained that if he got married, he'd have to have children and since children were so mean, he didn't want any. He was being teased at school!

    Maybe one of her gal pals decided she only wants to have male friends this week. And your DD is hurt and wants to win back the friendship. Children make strange correlations.

    Answer by ecodani at 10:30 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • yeah it could be an indication that she has different feelings for girls. too early to really know ... but i remember from child development -- there are stages where they like their own gender much better than the other because they understand them better. you could attribute it to that. but it could also be that she does like girls...

    Answer by AmaliaD at 10:36 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • Does it really matter? Just let her be a kid, love her unconditionally, and let her grow into the person she is meant to be.

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:42 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • Oh she's 3 come on mom' sister wanted to be a firetruck at that age......I seriously doubt her saying this means anything at all....she just thinks girls are pretty, as I'm sure you have told her she is. Let it go, nothing to worry about.

    Answer by robyann at 10:46 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • I wouldn't worry about it, I think she is admiring boys, and probably wants to be married to someone like you! You can't change the outcome of what she will be, so just hang in there, but I think it her imagination talking! good luck!

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:03 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • Maybe at this point in her life, she just thinks boys are gross, and she'd make a much nicer one. She's only 3.5. Don't sweat it right now. I used to make my barbies kiss.

    Answer by WatermelonNerd at 11:06 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

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