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My hubby is a wuss when it comes to his ex wife!!!!! Help me please!

My husband and his ex have been divorced over 5 years! He's always been a baby to her and bends over backwards for her. Instance, she lives with her mother and has NO bills.. NONE! Not even one. We pay child support, plus after school care and her other TWO baby daddys all do the same for their kids. Anyways, we went and applied for a mortgage loan.. Coem to find out, his credit is crappy because she took out two loans, a verizon plan, and got a credit card in his name right before the divorce was final. He caleld and she admitted that they were hers but said she wouldn't pay them. She called us two nights ago saying that she had to take his son tot he dentist and we owed her half of it which is a little over 300. Well I told him NO we'd pay it when she paid the other stuff and he said I needed to shut up that all of it was his business .. not mine. So he's paying it. Even though she blows her money constantly

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on Jan. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • And wears Ed Hardy and has Coach purses.. and literally a new one every other weekend but he won't make her take responsibility for anything. He's always giving her, her way and lets her talk about me to my SS .. horrible things and never says a word. My SS and I are very close and he loves me and I'm tired of being put on the backburner when it comes to money AND my SS!! How do I deal with this? Will I always come behind his ex because he bends over backwards for her?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • Well he is right. You don't deny your child's medical care bills because she did something during their divorce that YOU don't agree with. I suggest you take a deep breath and accept that you married a man with a past. He can choose to go to small claims and force her to pay for some or all of those bills, or he can just pay them off himself- whatever works in a way that will benefit your life overall is the most important course of action. Will it do any good to cause some big stink over a couple hundred dollars? Really, he should have been monitoring his credit better and for that he needs to take responsibility.

    Answer by IamPatSajak at 12:19 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • In this case it might be wise to get legal advice.

    Answer by lowencope at 12:20 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • having been previously married, and living with my so who was previously married (both of us have children involved), I can say without malice that IT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS... you should APPRECIATE that your dh is not a douchebag- that he is not doing this for HER, but for his kid. If mom is happy, generally the kids are happy. so even if he is only pleasing her to make life easier for the kids, and they are not getting 100% of what he sends. SO WHAT? he is OWNING RESPONSIBILITY.

    when you get involved with someone who is divorced, that has kids, you marry the situation, not just the man. there are some things that were in place BEFORE YOU, that are what they are, and will not change FOR YOU, because it is not your business- the quickest way for you to screw up, is to eff with a man about what he does for his kids and ex. leave it be!

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 12:21 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • THAT WOULD PISS ME THE HELL OFF TOO~! But yeah, he can't deny his kids dental care and it isn't right to ask him can see why you're pissed though...

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • You knew thing sbefore you married him You had to and he still cares for her and she will come before you didn't you see the writting on the wall. There is nothing you can do. If I were you I would tell him that if thats the way he feells about thing are not your bix then I think I would walk away for a while till he see's that he needs to include you or just exspect things the way he want you too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • I would take her to court, and get your self a good layer. And have it on law paper saying 50/50 that's what i did. Everything with my x husband is 50/50 it takes two people to make a baby and takes two to take of them.

    Try to get him to realize the truth if she has no bills lives with mommy and daddy she is free of charge and dont have to worry about anything, but pretty much her own self since she has everyone else doing the rest for her. I would be mad too becasue its not only the fathers job but hers also.

    Tell him to grow bigger balls then what he has and stand up to her, and if she dont let him see the son then take her ass to court for custody and if that is all ready done do it again and take the kid from her. I would. or at leat try.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • OP HERE: Thank you Anon 12:32! I hate hearing how women think I'm like a horrible bitch because I'm then ew wife or whatever.. but thank you! IF she lived on her ownand did what she could to take care of the kids then it might be different but she has three kids all by different dads all 4 years apart and pulls more in child support than I bring home and I'm an RN. All the while her mother raises the kids and her mother drops them off at school and picks them up at 6 and my husbands ex works part time from 4 til 9 so she doesn't have to even see the kids. But it makes me sick how ppl think My husband owes her something more than child support. Ugh.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • can she provide the dental bill? I personally wouldn't just go on what she is saying to be true, but if that was the bill, then that's pretty much it.
    Sorry you don't approve of her lifestyle, but maybe she lives with her mother for help with the kids. It's not about what she does or doesn't do as long as the kids are taken care of. Sorry you don't like the fact that your husband is spending money on the child, but it's all about the kids care. If it's made harder for her to take him to the dentist, then she's less likely to take him and the kid looses out.
    Life isn't fair, but the child needs care and things and it adds up.
    This is not about you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • He told you to shut up. If it were me I would cut him loose, cut my losses and do better next time. IMO he's only bringing you down. See it as a BLESSING!! that you didn't buy a house with him. You are worth far more than a stupid, selfish man telling you to shut up. He can be free to pay for anything she wants and you will be free to find a true partner who values you. Don't forget to push for child support for your kids. If that's what makes him happy. Some people like to pay out money, it's the only way they feel validated. Anon 12:51 is right, it's not about you, so why be married to this one? I wouldn't.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

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