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Answers / Parenting / General Parenting

How would you react to someone else calling your child theirs?

I have noticed this alot lately. Like stepmoms or even just women that live with the father of a child wanting to call the child 'my son' or 'my daughter'. I understand if the mom has completely checked out of the child's life, but what about in other circumstances.

Example....On facebook I have seen a woman talking about the elementary age child of her boyfriend (they have been together a year i think) 'my son.' She will talk about him in her status updates and say things like 'My son amazes me. I can't believe how much he has grown.'

Another woman I know had a baby live with her for a few weeks while the mother was trying to find a home. She wanted to adopt the baby so even after the mother took the baby back, she talks about the baby as 'my son.' She posts pics of him and says 'mommy misses you.'

Am I the only one thinking these women are off the deep end?!?

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VintageWife

Asked by VintageWife at 2:10 PM on Jan. 25, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,937 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • The second mom (the adoption one) sounds a little weird, but step parents I believe have every right to call the children their son or daughter. They are afterall helping raise them. My mom calls her two step children her son and daughter and they call her mom, even though they lived with their own mom growing up and my dad passed away 5 years ago.....which to be honest he is my step dad but he is the man i lived with who raised me and who comforted me who disciplined me who walked me down the aisle etc etc etc, my own father is actually a part of my life but wasnt consistent about it, and he even referred to my step dad as my dad.

    I think when a step parent accepts the children in this way it is wonderful, I have seen too many step parents who are mean and evil and treat their step kids badly, yes even here on CM i have seen it. I also had a evil step mother and now i have a very sweet step mom whom i adore.
    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 2:17 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • I have to agree with you i was on cafemom and this woman was dating a guy for 2 weeks and she had no children and he had 3 her pics was of the kids in her kitchen and the caption was baking with mommy it creeped me out seriously . i would be pissed if it happened
    yoshiwife

    Answer by yoshiwife at 2:18 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • Thank you yoshiwife. There is another woman I know that has been married several times and every time she marries another guy, she calls him daddy to her kids. Its weird cause her kids are both still in contact with their dads. I think its creepy that these people aren't picky who their kids are around for awhile after they meet them and then tell their kids to calls these people mommy and daddy.
    VintageWife

    Answer by VintageWife at 2:25 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • OP I think there is a huge difference you said......"Like stepmoms or even just women that live with the father of a child" If you took out the step parent part i would completely agree with you that it is wrong, but step parents play a very different role and most (not all) but most step parents are in that childs life till adulthood, they are a source of financial, emotional, and maternal/paternal support for the children. So if you took the step parents out of this question then I agree it is wrong to give that label away freely to whomever comes along.
    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 2:36 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • vintagewife my sister does that it makes me so mad every guy she DATES becomes daddy and they have a good dad ! im not talking this happened once or twice the guy doesnt even have to live with her right now we are on "Daddy Danny" now shes talking about leaving him too
    yoshiwife

    Answer by yoshiwife at 2:43 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • My SIL does this, but in a totally different way. Since I found out I was preggo, (I'm 35wks now...) she always calls to ask how HER baby is doing, blah blah blah... It really bugs me, and I've even said something, but she still won't stop. As far as the step parents thing, I have a 7 year old step son, and everyone DOES know that he is my step son, but it doesn't bother anyone (to my knowledge) that sometimes I refer to him as my son...
    mrs_patterson

    Answer by mrs_patterson at 2:53 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • I think in some casees it is weird and overboard, but in the case of steps, I think they should consider the kids as their own. If they don't love and accept the children as their own they shouldnt be marrying into the family. Just my opinion - but I am a single mom and hope to some day find a man that loves my son as his own...
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 2:56 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • Yeah I agree. I think step parents should say my "stepchild" rather than just her son/daughter, because that child already has a mother. I grew up with a stepmother that I called mom, but my bio mother was not in the picture so she was my only mother figure.
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 2:56 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • DH has primary custody of his two boys, their mom lives about 5 hrs away and they don't see her often, although they talk to her twice a week. They are 4 & 5, I moved in when they were 7 mos and 20 mos. I couldn't love them more if I had given birth to them, but from the very start I was very much against them calling me any form of "mom", I just didn't want the to be confused.

    I don't ever call them "my boys", I don't even consider myself a step mom, although DH says the only "steps" in this house are on the porch. He calls my kids his..even though they are older and have moved out already. I tell the boys that I love them all the time, but they never say it back, maybe one day they will. I encourage them to say it to bio mom when they talk to her.

    The bad part is I feel so much of an outsider in my own home, I feel like cheap copy of a parent. I wish I could get over this, but I still haven't found a way yet.
    daisy521

    Answer by daisy521 at 3:06 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • For those stepmoms that read this and have the child as a huge part in their lives, this wasn't directed at you. I guess I am just mostly asking about the ones I posted as examples. I am wondering if those ladies have went overboard. They each, btw, have their own kids. The first one has an infant daughter that she doesn't talk about as much and the second one has two kids that are older than that baby she wanted to adopt.
    VintageWife

    Answer by VintageWife at 3:13 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

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