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I need help before I go crazy ADVICE please .. My husband has been home since Oct. 13th NOT that I hate it, but we are starting to fight over little things and Im starting to have an attitude all the time plus he is a know it all.

We had an incident in Oct., He cheated on me while 8 months prego. We are trying to fix it. He never went back to work after it (don't know if she was there or because friend he worked with is at same job). He began to see a Phyc. and began marriage counseling. He really don't do much anymore, he was helping clean, cook, with kids and mainly w/ new born. We moved to have a less commute, but he is not working. Has been laid off and paid a severance that we can live all year off. He gets annoyed when Im not sitting next to him or begin to do my things. I run around all day from picking up kids and dropping off all day. Cooking Cleaning and well you know. He takes care of baby and I can do it all. He is always in bed playing on computer or Xbox. BORING!! He takes me out once a month or when we have babysitter. It's just SOMETHING is bothering me maybe Im not over his cheating, maybe I hate seeing him sitting there. HELP ?????????


Asked by Anonymous at 10:23 PM on Jan. 25, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • cont. If you are a believer, PRAY for your marriage, for your husband, your family and grace for yourself. Don't stop praying and don't give up. Marriages have survived much worse than this and so can yours. Marriage is about pulling each other out of the rough spots, sticking around even when the desire gone. If your hubby is not a habitual cheater, if he has always been a good provider in the past and if you believe he is good at heart you have alot going for you. Getting through the bad times can have a way of reigniting the flames and renewing your love. Don't expect a quick recovery from all of these issues. It has been two years and hubby and I are still working through some of ours. BUT...we are more in love than ever, we are utterly convinced that we can make it through anything and we are happy in spite of it. God bless you and your family

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:24 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • I imagine it's hard forgiving someone for betraying you in that way. I cannot say I would've given him the second chance that you did. However, since you did you really have to ask yourself if you WANT to be over it? If you don't want to be over it, if you want to hold it against him forever then you'll never be able to forgive him. Can you forgive him is the next question? Can you honestly see him as a husband who loves you, is commited to you, and wants to be with only you after he's cheated? If you can't, then you'll never be able to forgive him. It doesn't matter if he sits at a home all day or is super husband/father. If you cannot find it inside of you to forgive him, even to want to forgive him then nothing he will do will be good enough. He cheated on you, he betrayed you, he chose someone else over his own wife. Is that something that you can forgive and forget? Is it something you want to forgive and forget?

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:27 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • Cheating is never easy to get over. Funny how guys think we should just get over it and get back to normal. My x actually got angry with me for not dropping it and moving on. LOL Men can be so stupid. Did he say why he's not even looking for work? Living off his severance pay is great but once it's gone it's gone. If he was working it could be put in savings for emergencies...or a new Xbox when that one screws up. My young grandson has gone through 2 of them and an older grandson went through 2 of them as well. They keep breaking (something about the hard drive) Ask him if he has a timeline or at least some plans for the near future. It will be easier to deal with things if he wasn't underfoot bothering you! Why don't men understand that?

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:34 PM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • Looking for a job is a full time job.

    I do career & job search coaching. I am always happy to help cafemoms (and dads) with resumes, cover letters, job search strategy & interview prep. Feel free to contact me directly. –Robin

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:58 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • My hubby and I have been in a similar situation. It sounds like he may be depressed. Men have a hard time with job loss, it makes them feel as if they have lost part of their indetity and worth. Combine that with the guilt he probably feels about the infidelity and it can be a recipe for depression. He probably doesn't recognize he is depressed. (These are all things my DH went through.) Depression robs you of motivation to do anything, probably why he is sitting around all the time. Sitting around makes depression worse. It is a vicious cycle. He will have to force himself to be active in life before he can stop the cycle. Just getting up and getting out of your own head and doing something helps wonders. cont.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • cont. Resist the urge to nag. (Hard, I know, I've been there.) Try to be supportive even if you feel he doesn't deserve it. That's what forgiveness is. After all, wouldn't you want/need the same thing? The reason you are probably feeling resentful is not just because of the affair but also because you see him sitting there doing nothing in his depressed state. When there is betrayal, you need his reassurance and an honest effort. (Really, he does owe you that,) Depressed people can't offer much in that department which complicates the issue. You are dealing also with the transitions occuring from job loss which is alot in itself. Of course, he should also be looking for ways to support his family. That really is another betrayal that he isn't putting forth any effort there. Just try to encourage him and build him up. Tearing him down will not work. cont.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:14 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • That anonymous answer was great Thank you very much ... I feel much better

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on Jan. 26, 2010