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soo, should a live in girlfriend have the same priveledges as a wife?? married an unmarried women please help me!

so i was thinking....a lot more unwed women and men are living together sometimes for years without tying the not. do you think that we should have the same say-so in our houses as someone who is legally wed? should a boyfriend that lives with his girlfriend treat her like his wife? what is the difference, what are the boundaries, and how are things handled such as finances etc.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:15 AM on Jan. 26, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I don't believe that it is possible. Marriage is about total commitment to one person. If a man isn't interested in marriage, it says that there is something that he is not willing to either give up or share. A part of the vows in most ceremonies is to place the welfare of the spouse on a higher priority than the welfare of self. That is a key element. Marriage is more about giving to the spouse than it is about receiving from the spouse. Most cohabitation is about what is most convenient for me, what I want, what makes me feel good. In the end, it is much more about "I" than it is about "we." When a man comes looking for a wife, it usually means he wants to share everything with the woman of his dreams. He may not even know how to go about that, but it is what he wants and he is willing to learn how to work with her as a team for life. That's the kind of man I met and married 45 years ago this week, and I am so glad
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:34 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • I think it should mostly be the same except finance wise. I say get a house account together and both contribute the same amount monthly that is to only be used for household expenses, rent(mortgage) bill, groceries. and repairs. Other than that it is the same a a married situation. The checking account thing is all that changed when I got married.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 7:17 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • Oh and I hope he treats her better than a wife, most wives lose good treatment because of the permanent nature of marriage (to some). I know my DH was so much sweeter before marriage but whatever, he is still great just different.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 7:19 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • I would ask in turn what the live-in girlfriend feels she is missing that she feels a married woman would have. In other words, why ask this question? I think that vows do have a purpose but if that couple have made any vows to each other they should be honored, but of course legally it wouldn't matter. Also if you believe in the God of the Bible, you are leaving Him out and missing His blessing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:25 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • Knowing that I have no legal protection, I would not feel comfortable contributing to a household together if I were just a gf as opposed to a wife. And no matter how you may feel about it, society sees it differently. It is not the same as being married.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 7:37 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • I and my childrens father live together,I am in reality a girl friend/baby momma. It isn't what I wanted for my life,seems like marriage will never happen. As far as bills he pays,I am trying to earn money but it isn't working. I think in my case my situation is worst because of the large number of kids we have together and his kids outside of us.Legally it would mean so much more being his wife and spritually much more fulfilling.
    I think that having kids out of wedlock and "shacking up "as my mother would say,leads to kaos in the relationship. This can be seen financially,emotionally,mentally...e.t.c. And they really don't treat you as well after a while. A man has greater respect for the one he gives his name to. There are plenty of men who have live in girlfriends. A man married to his woman is more than likely to honor his relationship.
    My mother would also say "why spoil the cow when you can get the milk for free"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:59 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • It depends on the couple. All of those issues are things that you should have talked about from the get go or worked out as individual questions and situations came along. The answer is going to be different for each person. The thing is if you feel like you're missing something you need to speak up and tell him and work it out and figure out where you are going from that point on instead of feeling like you're not being treated the way you feel you deserve to be treated. You shouldn't settle.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:14 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • The things you mention ed should be there in any relationship prior to marriage. Marriage gives you legal rights, protection in case of death, etc. No relationship should exist where you aren't treated respectfully as an equal. n
    IamPatSajak

    Answer by IamPatSajak at 8:18 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • Good Morning, I am or was living with my fiance for about 4 yrs before we got engaged.I have been married before and I think these days you should be sure about who eachother is before you take the plunge(this is my opinion). We share everything, he does have the bank account, but he pays the bills and he gives me money as I ask for it. Or he's even just handed me money because he wants to.If you have children together then it's even more important that things are steadily available.I think you should be comfortable & honest and know what your getting into before you do. Don'y be nieve but you don't have to be a bitch iether.Communication is key!
    Stefono

    Answer by Stefono at 8:26 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • I think they should have the same say-so and privileges, yes. My SO and I are about to move in together. Before this, the only other man I lived with was my first husband. To me, moving in together is another step towards the permanence of marriage. But I want to be sure that we can handle living together before we take that step, so that neither of us regrets it. And to me, if he's going to try to control things just b/c we aren't married, I have to feel that he would still do that after we were married, and I don't want that. I want to be partners, equals. Make decisions together, have equal say-so in how money is spent or saved, changes to the house or our lifstyle.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:11 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

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