Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I need advice on how to deal with the ex

my children are 7 and 6. he has been in prison for 4 years of thier lives and in and out of jail the rest of the time most of his charges are drug related he is a good dad for the most part when he is sober the kids know of him and i tell them the truth as much as possible and try to have discussions about it with them he just got out of jail again and wants to see them they ask about him and want to see him too but i dont want him to be in and out of thier lives i am undecided what to do he wants to be a part of thier lives and they want him apart of thier lives but i dont know if that is the healthiest thing for the kids any suggestions would be greatly apreciated

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:57 AM on Jan. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • He's not a "good dad" if he refuses to clean up his act and stay out of prison for his children.
    If the kids want to see he, you should let them. Supervised, NEVER alone.
    Be honest with them about his prison time. They deserve to know that they're not important enough to their father for him to stay straight and be part of their lives regularly.

    Answer by TinaN64 at 8:04 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • He's not a very good role model. You should stop exposing your children to a drug addict.

    Answer by IamPatSajak at 8:08 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • You should let him see them..The kids will be mad at you later in life if you don't even if he is a screw up..Maybe you all could meet at the park or go to lunch and you always be there or he be supervised by some one you trust.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • If you deny him the right to see them you put yourself at risk of being the bad guy later when they are older and he says "Your mom wouldn't let me see you". As long as he is good to them I would allow him to do the best he can. It sounds like you have done a great job explaining to the kids about their dad so just tell them the truth. Your dad wants to spend more time with you but remember that he cant always be around and may be gone for a while again.

    Answer by kellymsons at 8:28 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • You have a difficult predicament my heart goes out to you, i think what i would do is to keep them away from him until they are grown up enough to understand things better if your children fall out with you, they will eventually understand you put them first.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • It sounds like they are a part of his life.' If they know of him and they no what he's done, and they still love him & want to see him , I guess it's all up to you, if you have sole costody. I think he will let them down from time to time, but you made choices some time ago and this is how it has played out.The song remains the same.' All you can do is be a good mom and do your best to teach them right from wrong and hope it all is stronger than what they see their dad doing and how he is serviving through life.'It's all up to you, good luck, I'm sure that it is NOT an easy decision.I think it would be different if they didn't know him yet, but they do.

    Answer by Stefono at 8:36 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • My x was in and out of prison and jail and it didn't seem to affect my kids. He saw them whenever he wanted. They accepted he was in and out of their lives as well. They are grown now and seem ok. They talk to him but they don't depend on him for anything.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:43 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • I don't think it's healthy in the long run .

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:52 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • No, NO and HELL NO!! My ex has been in and out of the prison system my son's whole life!!! I regret EVER taking my son to visit him!!! If I knew then what I know now kind of scenario!!
    Screw that,"Kids need to know their dad" bullsh!t!!! My son has very little respect for his dad due to this crap! Empty promises, not showing up when he promised(due to getting arrested for stupid shit, etc, the list goes on) pm me if you want. My son is nearly 11 and I have TONS of experience when it comes to this stuff!

    Answer by Starfire73 at 9:10 AM on Jan. 26, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.