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What do I do about my boyfriend deciding he doesn't want my mom there after we have our first child?

So, I'm a little stressed out, becausee my boyfriend has decided that he doesn't want my mom "sleeping" at our house for a week after the baby is born. We've been planning to have my mom come out a week before our baby is born, and stay for a week after to help. Well, now he's saying that he doesn't want her staying at our house at all the week after he's born. I don't know what to do, because I really want her there to help, but he just doesn't want her sleeping there. What do I do? I want to respect his feelings, but I also want him to respect mine, and understand that I need my mom to be there to help me with my first child.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:25 PM on Jan. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • Tell him to get over it. You are going to need help and both of you are going to be tired. Is he planning on taking that week off of work to stay home and help you all day? 


    Besides, you are the one that is going to be giving birth and having to PHYSICALLY recover.

    PhilsBabyMama

    Answer by PhilsBabyMama at 4:28 PM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • I would just tell him that you will have your mom be sure to give him privacy but you really want her there and will need her support. If you want her there you should be able to have her there and you will really benefit from her help. He needs to get over it. what is his reason? Is he just uncomfortable? If so I say he needs to get over it. If he has a valid complaint like she will smoke around the baby then i would consider his opinion.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 4:29 PM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • Does she live in the same town? I wouldn't want her there the week before but you could certainly use her after the birth. See if he will compromise. I think 2 weeks is too much too. If she lives in town then just tell her it might be best to come and help then go home to give HER a rest! lol (we grandmas fall for that crap)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:30 PM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • This is a hard one. I was the grandmother, the mother of the baby's father. My dil didn't much want me there. I arrived about a week before the baby was due and tried to be as invisible as possible. I did whatever they wanted me to do and gave them a lot of alone time.

    The baby was a couple of days early and she didn't want me there for the birth. She let me come and again I tried to be invisible and always stand behind her head when she was examined for modesty. It ended up I was holding her when she pushed. After the baby was born she bled a lot and had complications and wanted my son, who is a RN, with her. She was glad I was there to stay with the baby.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 4:35 PM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • I think a compromise would be best. Maybe she doesn't come out the week before (who knows, she may get on your nerves just being there! The littlest things can annoy you when you are about to give birth.) Then explain to your boyfriend that since this is your first child, you really would like you mother there to help you get settled in with the baby when you guys go home. My mom would always stay a couple of days after my kids were born, even if all she did was take the baby to burp them after I nursed them a 3am! My SO is very laid back though and he appreciated the help also since he had to work full time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:36 PM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • She lives in a totally different state. He just wants it to be us after the baby is born. In his mind he thinks it's going to be perfect to where he can help with everything. We're having her come out a week before, because we both want her there for when I give birth. And then we had at one time agreed that she could stay for a week after to help us. But now he just says that we're never going to get that first week back, and that he wants it to just be us at night. He said he doesn't mind if she gets a hotel, but he doesn't want her sleeping there after the baby is born. And I don't know what to do, because I want my mom there to help me. He is planning on taking a week off to help, but there's just some things that he can't help with. I mean, he can't teach me how to breastfeed. He's going to be just as exhausted as I am, and I'm going to be emotional. And everythings just going to be crazy. I don't know what to do
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:37 PM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • After she and the baby got home they were able to all bond in the bedroom and my son could bring the baby out when he needed changed or they didn't want him. If you tell your boyfriend that having your mom there could allow you and him and the baby time to all be together with someone to help but not be seen or heard he might like that idea. I think your mom would be ok with that.

    She could take the baby when you want, help with meals, and do other stuff like that. Maybe run short errands to the store. It will make life much easier for both of them. I know I wanted to be there so bad I did a great job of being as invisible yet helpful as possible.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 4:38 PM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • Maybe the week before is too much. Maybe she could just come the day or so before to help you get some things done but I'd stand firm on having her there for after your baby is born. Is he working? If so, he should only be around in the evening before you all go to be and he won't be around her too much. You're going to be exhausted not only from the birth but waking up every two or three hours all night is absolutely draining. Why does he not want her there?
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 4:40 PM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • Oops, didn't see your post. It's commendable he is taking time off work but you will both be wiped out. My DH took time off both times but it was still wonderful that my mom was there to help. I don't think he realizes how much you two will need help. This is a lot to do, especially with a first baby. You'll be learning and doing so much. You should have a decent amount of rest for when he goes back to work and when your mom goes home. See what you can do to compromise.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 4:44 PM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • He wants to take the week off after the baby is born, and he wants it to just be "us". But I don't think he understands that he's going to be just as exhausted as I am going to be. And having my mom there to help, would be absolutely wonderful! My mom I've talked to and she said that she would help with the cooking and cleaning and just whatever she could... But for some reason, he's not going for that. He wants her to get a hotel, and stay somewhere else at night, and just come over throughout the day... But from what I've been told with a newborn, their nights are just like their days, until they get on a schedule and routine. And we're both just going to be exhausted. I don't feel like I"m asking much. He told me he wouldn't mind her staying at our house until the baby is born, but once we bring him home, he wants her to get a hotel, or stay somewhere else.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Jan. 26, 2010

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