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How can I get my son to talk to me in a nice tone like voice?

For some reason well I guess it could be my fault on this but I usually start to yell when the kids do not listen to me. Well lately my ds has been doing so so in school and I have been helping him out and when ever he ask me a question he'll try to answer it first and I am like wait a minute you asked me a question and you want to answer it if you know the answer why ask me then he's like practically yelling at me I mean like he is trying to get his voice to over come mine I tell him he better watch his tone with me and he gets mad and is upset with me. How can I get him to talk to me like as if I was someone very important you know like someone else he would never talk like this to.

Like his dad or his teacher or someone other than me :(
Anytime he does this he makes it so hard for me to really want to help him do his homework or whatever :(


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Asked by Anonymous at 7:42 PM on Jan. 26, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (5)
  • Practice speaking in a lower and respectful tone yourself, to him as well as to others. Good luck!

    Answer by Bmat at 7:43 PM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • My oldest son tried that with me, the other two are too little to try it yet. But it takes one simple sentence from me and he stops in his tracks... " Are you really going to try and talk to me that way?". And of course I give the I am not taking shit look. It took a couple of times of me telling him that he would be grounded if he didn't get his attitude under control for him to get it. He did end up grounded because of it, but that one time was enough. Now it only take that sentence for him to pull it together and stop doing it.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 7:46 PM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • It is likely that he is actually asking for an opportunity to talk about what he's thinking about (in order to straighten it out in his mind, so he can use the information) and needs you to listen to him.

    He doesn't know how to start the conversation except to ask a question (because that's what he sees around him all the time, right?) but he's not really looking for your input, he's looking for your hearing. That's why he gets louder and louder when he doesn't feel heard and when you're talking instead of listening.

    Answer by LindaClement at 8:06 PM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • Model good voice tone. Then when he talks to you inappropriately, don't listen to him. Tell him "I will listen when you are talking in a nice voice"

    Answer by JenM1975 at 9:30 PM on Jan. 26, 2010

  • YOu need to lower your tone and ask him who the heck he thinks he's talking to. You must establish dominance over your kids especially boys. When boys get to be in their teens, they have the whole "king of the castle" complex. It's really important to get this under control now. Don't beat yourself up about it. If a child doesn't obey, then they need to be disciplined. If you tell him to talk to you nicely and he chooses to talk ugly, then there needs to be a consequence.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:21 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

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