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Were you able to revive an almost completely SEXLESS marriage?

DH and I never really had sex as much as I wanted. Maybe 2-3 X a wk when i wished for it everyday... Then it tapered to 1X a wk. Then 1X every couple wks. I think we had sex maybe 5x the whole time I was pregnant... Now that she is here, we have gone months. The last time was a few wks ago & only lasted a few minutes. I used to be frustrated, now I am scared, cause I hardly even desire it anymore. .I think I turned it off just so I wouldn't be frustrated. I know some of it is lack of oppourtunity, but the other night we totally had the chance, but neither of us would initiate. I called him out on that he says he wants to, but never ever makes the move. I am tired of making a move, and he lays there only half interested. He says he is attracted to me, but he sure has a lame way of showing it.

Can this situation be fixed? Has anyone been in this situation and revived it? 1X a wk would be an improvement!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:52 AM on Jan. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I'm living that, thanks to my husband's motorcycle accident. The accident left him with several fractured vertebrae. His spirit is willing..the flesh cannot handle it. Screams of pain are a definite turnoff.

    But he's ALIVE and that to me is worth more than a gazillion orgasms. I can do without SEX. I can't do without HIM.

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:07 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • have you tried doing other things in bed- like maybe just being nude at first, then maybe starting off with games like pleasuring yourself when the other one is around? maybe if you just try having some fun little by little without expecting to have sex- might take the pressure off.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • You're doing better than we are. We only do it once every 2 or 3 months or so. Does your husband have any health issues that would cause him to have less desire? My DH has high blood pressure and takes meds for it that make things not work how they used to. He also has diabetes, which can cause damage to the nerves there.

    Good luck with everything. I hope you start gettin' some regularly soon! : )

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:04 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • honey talk to him about this. after a baby especially a couple kinda has to work at it. and if you get in the rut of not making time for yourselves to "get some" it starts to seem like too much effort to be bothered with. you need to TALK really TALK to him .

    Answer by sati769leigh at 4:28 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Have you tried couples counseling?

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:01 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Perhaps the issue lies a little deeper than you think. Perhaps he just ain't feeling good about himself right now, maybe you are both feeling a little insecure and the longer you leave it the harder it will become and before you know it, you will be split up. This IS NOT the answer. Why not encourage him into some sport activities, go with him, help him out. Go for long walks with ur baby etc, etc. Small steps, just take each day as it comes and learn to feel confident with each other again. You really need to talk to him huni. Just ask wots wrong, but don't be nippy, ask in a concerning way.

    Hope this helps xxxx

    Answer by wee_pink_chick at 8:49 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • start dressing real sexy (sexy not slutish) act as if its the first time your going to meet him. Tease him a little ,but don't be the first to start, talk sexy to him, give him little kisses everywhere. That should help.

    Answer by incarnita at 9:46 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • My husband was paralyzed 8 years ago when he was hit by a drunk driver (thankfully the drunk driver died). We have not had sex since our marriage is wonderful. We had to change our marriage and realized sex was just the icing on the cake but the cake is still pretty good without it. I miss sex but I would never go outside my marriage and hurt my husband. I am happy with him and our life together. I think in your case you need to talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel and ask him how he is feeling. Have a grown up discussion about this. If needed seek marriage counseling nothing wrong with getting help with a problem.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:50 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

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