Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Would you consider adopting or fostering if you had small children?

I've been feeling a burden to help out children in need for a while. I've always wanted to adopt an older child, and I know my husband and I could provide a loving and stable home. My only problem is that I have a three year old and a six month old. If I knew it was okay I would start the adoption (or even foster) process today, but I can get past the worry of bringing home another child when my own are so young.

Answer Question
 
mrsjoeljr

Asked by mrsjoeljr at 8:27 AM on Jan. 27, 2010 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • personally i would wait at least in terms of fostering or adopting an older child, til your littles are a bit bigger. but you could likely foster a newborn or young baby and incorperate them in to your home easily.
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 8:40 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • if i had a bigger house i would love to. My dh don't really think its a good idea. We've discussed it and he just don't really like the idea but i would have a house full of kids if i could. I think that fostering or adopting older kids would be great. They are usually looked over and just think...you could teach them how to become an adult and help them learn how to live on there own and when they are stable you can take in more teens.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:43 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • If I could I would in a heart beat! I'm a single mom struggling to make ends meet though :(
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 8:59 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • me hubby would like to do the same fostering but we are waiting until our little one is older,becouse some children realy need help out there and there heads can not be in the right place.
    angelairelan

    Answer by angelairelan at 9:06 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • If my parents had not done it when I was younger I would have done foster care. But what I have seen. I just can't do it. There are so many aweful things I have seen kids come from. For them to go right back to it and it happen again. but I can't go throuhg my heart being broken like that anymore. But I think it is great when others can. I would like to adopt some day.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I would. It is possible to take some common sense precautions while getting to know your newly adopted child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I do foster care and have 3 young grandchildren who live with us. It's been no problem for me. There are lots of kids out there that are older and are fantastic with younger children. You just have to be smart about it. Child monitors in the bedrooms/playrooms are great to help monitor things. Older children tend to get a bum rap about a lot of things that they've never done but because others in the system have then they're all labeled trouble makers.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 9:54 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I've read that it's a good idea to preserve the birth order, meaning that a child you bring into the home would be younger than your children that you already have. I know that's true for adoption, but not sure it applies to foster care.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 7:25 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I think some agencies require your little one be home a year before you can bring home another child. And some agencies ask you to preserve birth order but that being said, it's not always the case. If you have misgivings, you're best bet is to wait until you feel more sure of your decision. Also, feeling a "burden" to foster or adopt a child will send red flags to the social workers. I suggest you join some online adoption groups and learn more about the process and get more familar with the process you are interested in so you are totally prepared when the time comes.
    7babies4me

    Answer by 7babies4me at 10:29 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • They recommend not breaking up the birth order like pp said. We took the classes but will not break up the birth order. After you take the classes it will make more sense, but I would not get children older than your children, as your children grow, you can raise the age you will accept to foster. For instance my aunt adopted a three year old dd, when she got to 4 and five she started acting out and would beat her sister, luckily her sister was older. This is not always the case of course, but many of these children need worked with and therapies and a six month old can not defend themselves. But of course every child is different.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN