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Would you be upset?

If your 10 yo daughter spent the night with a friend and the Mom had friends over to play cards till 10 pm and then her boyfriend stayed the night without letting you know before your child went to their house would you be upset? Would you let her have another overnight?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:22 AM on Jan. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • friends over, no... boyfriend... maybe
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 10:23 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • depends on how well I know the family. If it is someone that I know pretty well I wouldn't be to concerned, because if I trust that family then I would trust their judgment when it comes to friends. The BF staying overnight unless you have met him, I would be a little wary about.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 10:25 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • friends no, unless theri was drinkning, boyfriend ya.
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 10:32 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • but at the same time it is your job as a mom to ask who is going to be around your child. I'd consider it a life lesson for next time.
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 10:34 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • My kiddo doesn't spend the night with people I didn't know. If she/he has a friend, then I need to befriend the mom. Otherwise, I have know idea who will be taking care of her/him, what their values are, what their rules are, etc. The mom would have a general idea of what MY rules are and what MY child is used to and I could agree with some diversions (bed-time, food, etc.) but that would give the impression that I have now established a relationship (however new) with the child's parent. I wouldn't trust my 10 y/o to decide whether or not her friend's family is an appropriate environment for my child. I WOULD have a friend stay over at my house with the parent's permission. Then I know what my child's getting into or being exposed to.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 10:35 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Are you worried about molestation or mom not paying attention to the girls. Was drinking involved. What about this situation has you uncomfortable.. Either way if you are uncomfortable have the little girl stay at your house.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 10:41 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I would be upset if there was drinking or smoking. About the boyfriend, why? It's the norm for women to live with or have their boyfriends spend the night. Women don't even get married to have babies.

    I asked questions before my kids spent the night. I usually had kids spend the night at my house.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 10:55 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I probably would not be okay with friends or boyfriend being there. She is letting her daughter have a sleepover so she needs to be responsible and watch the children. And unless she is different from everyone I've ever known, seen or heard boaut, there was likely drinking going on during the card game. As for the boyfriend, no way. I know it's acceptable for a woman to have their boyfriend sleep over even if her children are there but I would not let my daughter stay overnight in that situation. If she is going to let her daughter have a sleepover, she should be able to take off one night of hanging out with friends and having her boyfriend sleep there.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:19 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • *about
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:20 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I don't see a prob with friends staying over til 10pm playing cards unless there was drinking/ smoking going on. My concern would be with bf staying night. It sets a bad example. If he lived there, that would be different as you would expect him to be there and could have your own talk with your daughter about your desires for her vs what other people do etc etc. But just an over night visit. Seems like she could have gone one night without that. My old roommate used to do much worse with her daughter and friends over, so I know people have different ideals, and you saying anything would set her off. I would just explain to your daughter appropriate vs inappropriate environments and that you don't feel that mother is setting the right example or being a responsible guardian (if there is drinking going on with the kids present). I'd cut off those sleep overs indefinitely, and just have your daughter's friends over to your house
    Senae

    Answer by Senae at 10:26 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

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