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What do you guys think when someone you love gets pregnant that you know probably shouldn't have?? My second thought was I want her to come live here! Thoughts??

A much younger, life-long friend of mine.. She had a terrible upbringing. Alcoholic abusive father, dependent abusive mother.. She's a compulsive liar and troubled.

I don't like to judge her and I tolerate her lying because she's like a sister and I've always tried to help her - like I pushed her really hard into getting her GED and finally she did.. but when she told me she was pregnant (and pleased as punch to be) I was SPEECHLESS.

But then again there is a child in this. The child could end up very messed up because her mom is not ready to be a parent and doesn't have any idea what a good one is like.

I'm considering offering her to come live here for a bit. I want to so she can see what good parents are like and I want to help her see life can be different. I know she'd come live here if I offered, and I'm sure she'd find a job and pay some rent.

DH is baffled but accepting.



Asked by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Jan. 27, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • If all of you are in agreement and comfortable with the situation, then I say go for it. Having a new baby is hard for anyone. But even harder when you haven't been taught any good parenting skills. If you have no good example of a parent, you don't learn how to cope with all the hard stuff. And it's very hard to break the cycle of abuse, whether it be physical, emotional, verbal or mental. It's possible, sure. But very hard. I think living with a family that has good communication skills and parenting skills would benefit her greatly and go a long way toward breaking that cycle.
    Good luck and I hope it all works out for everyone involved.

    Answer by Megs5384 at 11:42 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I agree with Megs5384 ...

    Your heart is very much in the right place.
    I know, people like her and it is very sad, the baby is the innocent victim.

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 11:46 AM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I would say be very careful on this one. How long do you want this arrangement to be for? Is she going to pay? If so how much or how are you going to work out her earning her keep? It's definitely essential that she does so she can learn responsibility and that she can't just have a free ride even if it's just cleaning up the house, making dinner those kind of things. What if she decides that she can do whatever she wants with the baby, or leaves it for long periods of time, or the baby's dad gets involved and is violent or destructive. I understand that you want to help but you also have to think about the health and safety of your own family. I would think long and hard about all the possible outcomes before i took on this. As long as you can live will all the possible outcomes then I would go for it. I'm a fixer too and always bring home everyone and trying to fix their lives.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • dont invite someone in your house if your husband doesnt want it. it'll only cause problems with you and him. lmy husband said no one is living with us. not even my almost 18 year old sister. and im ok with that. just take lots of consideration into it.

    Answer by bmdred at 1:39 PM on Jan. 27, 2010