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Would you be mad, or understanding.....

My husband works very hard at his job and works long hours, usually 12 hours a day, sometimes 7 days a week. He gets very depressed and stressed out while he is at work, so when he comes home he just wants to sit on the couch and watch TV. Well we have a new baby, she is just 4 months old. I work full time. When I get off work, I pick her up from daycare, get home, sit her in her bouncy chair, wash her bottles and get them ready for next day, make supper, clean the house, pay bills, do laundry and feed her. He will only hold her if I ask him to and then she just sits on his lap. He doesn't talk to her or play with her. Then I feed her again and rock her to sleep. He does nothing to help out. I feel so stressed and ready to explode. It just makes me so irrated, but I feel like I can't say anything because I know how hard he works. Also, I've talked to him about helping out before and he always says he will, but never does. AHHH

 
moviemom22

Asked by moviemom22 at 12:04 PM on Jan. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,755 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Tell him he either has to help you more or you are quitting your job. It's not possible for a woman to do it all and keep it all together. You may have to live on less, but you need to either do one or the other. As long as you continue to do it all, he will let you, even though it makes you mad.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:14 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Try asking for his help with a specific thing you need done instead of just asking him to help out more in general. Sometimes men can be totally clueless about what all it takes to keep a household going, and you might need to be more specific for him to know what it is you need help with.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 12:08 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • No I would not be understanding. In my opinion that kind of behavior is unacceptable especially from a family where both parents work outside the home. It's also important that he bond with his daughter. Just because he has a problem controlling his moods after he gets off work doesn't mean he gets to sit on the couch and throw himself a pity party. Cancel cable and make him help, his behavior is outrageous.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • men dont know what to do unless you tell them what to do! your going to have to tell him what you want done! like if your cooking he can help you or he can clean the dishes while you deal with the baby! its all about the tone of voice you use also! you can let him know that you understand that he is tired but you are tired too! so just tell him what you want!
    gonzalez3

    Answer by gonzalez3 at 12:11 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • He needs to be responisble for soemthings around the house. Who cuts the grass, changes oil in the cars, takes out the trash? I would give him a few jobs and also be sure he has time alone with the baby. he needs to be caring for the baby some and bonding with her. If he cant handle it then maybe he needs to cut his hours or find another job. family comes first!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I agree with anon. 12:19 Family comes first..But like everyone else said men are stupid when it comes to getting directions it's a waste of skin to say help me out cuz then they are like DUH help out with what? (in their mind of course) so then they just forget you wanted their help at all so be very specific...that's stupid just because he works alot to not want to do one thing when he gets home What about you? You work too I'm sure equally as hard as he does my husband works like 12 hrs a day too sometimes 6 days a week but he helps out with the kids because he knows I get pissed if he don't and it's selfish for ur dh to use the excuse he works too much that's a load of crap! Get him off his butt and make him do something instead of just watching you do it all!
    chica679

    Answer by chica679 at 12:47 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I agree with all of you that I should just tell him. But seriously I've asked him so many times, "Can you take the garbage out? It's your turn to empty the dishwasher. Why can't you put your clothes in the laundry basket." and on and on. If I ask him to specifically do one thing, he says okay and then it never gets done, so I end up doing it and getting more pissed. I'm sorry, guess I'm just venting to you guys. Thanks for listening and giving me advice. I will try to do a better job of getting him to help out. Starting tonight. Man he is going to hate me when I get home! :)
    moviemom22

    Answer by moviemom22 at 1:11 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • When he is at work he gives 100 percent...when you are at work you give 100 percent so when he is home it is only fair that you both give 50% that would be a good way to explain it to him..Men run on numbers not feelings.
    Let him know you are overwhelmed and want 50 % till baby is down and chores are done then he can just do nothing...
    heather.darin

    Answer by heather.darin at 1:15 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I am a SAHM, and people can tell me that it's my job to do the parenting/household things and for the most part it is. With my first child I didn't ask for help. Foolish of me I know... but what I found out later is he was afraid of the baby. Afraid to move with her. It's funny now, that a little bitty baby could scare a person like that but she did.
    Is it even remotely possible that is his problem? If not, and he's serioiusly depressed and not just "vegging out on the couch/recliner), he needs to seek some help with his doctor or a therapist of some sort. Depression is so hard on the mind and body.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 1:38 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

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