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What if "time out" doesn't work?

People talk about punishments. . . what if "time out" doesn't solve anything? Getting down to their level doesn't get the point across? And they are still misbehaving. . . What do you do then? i.e. misbehaving being breaking any rule you have set into place, be it something minor or more major (each household has a different set of what is right and wrong, so in your house what then. . .)

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Jan. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (16)
  • I don't know the answer sorry. I just know time out only works if the child is willing to cooperate with it they are not all willing too. Now you get kids like my 13 year old and time out has never worked nor grounding, nor the reward system nor even the the taking away of anything. What do you do then? I know talking to him about it has never worked either.
    lbranta

    Answer by lbranta at 7:57 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I put my 2 year old son in his room with a favoriate book and tell him to settle down. I explain that noone wants to be around him when he is crying (throwing a tantrum). He stays in his room for a few minutes. Once he comes out I give him a hug and ask him if there is a game/toy/ book he would like to do together. Sometimes I have to put him into his room 2-3 times, but he pretty much always calms down on his own. Time outs NEVER worked for us...
    bloomsr

    Answer by bloomsr at 2:44 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • It depends on what she has done wrong. I know every child is different, and I am super lucky with my DD, because she listens well, but if time out isn't working it isn't your childs fault, it is yours-sorry to say. No matter WHAT your punishment is, if you're consistent with it, it will work.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Time-outs don't work, except time-outs for angry parents.

    Punishments don't teach good behavior. At best punishment stops bad behavior. You want your child to want to behave and to want to please you not to fear you or resent you. Authoritarian parenting is the most effective form of parenting. You can learn more about the theory by doing a google search. I can just point you in the right direction.

    There are many effective parenting skills. A good first parenting book is Love & Limits by Elizabeth Crary. She has a website called Star Parenting with some info and a parenting chart you can print and hang on your fridge.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 2:47 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • bloomsr !! Excellent !!

    No emotions or drama from mama, and very quick hugs and re-acceptance. Perfect. A child NEEDS to know that mama is on his side, is in there WITH him, is NOT his enemy.

    I have no patience with ideas which keep a child "in the doghouse" - that cannot stregthen his interest in enjoying family life. My observation of children who are punished with rejection is that they feel rotten, AND they give up trying to please, trying to belong, because their parent is more invested in "ruling" the kingdom and they cannot ever squirm out of the role of "subject".
    waldorfmom

    Answer by waldorfmom at 2:50 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • depends on age and what they are doing. a swat on the bottom, take toy away, time out, or ignore can all be very effective when used with positive reinforcements for good behavior. You just have to feel it out with your child and try to read into there level of misbehavior and whether or not there is somehting else (my 2 year old will misbehave terribly if she's hungry or tired. So I don't punihs her then, instead I address the real issue)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Wow Gailll is all over today, preaching about her perfect parenting.

    I do agree partly with anon :46, that every child is different and it depends on what the kid did. I don't think it is your fault, though, because I am consistent, and it doesn't always work. If time out's don't work, getting at his level doesn't work, talking to him about it doesn't work, redirecting him doesn't work, etc. etc. etc. I spank him! It gets his attention and I tell him flat out what he is doing wrong, and WHY it is wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • depends on how old the kid is.. reward charts work for most kids.. keep a chart if they are good they get a star.. they use their star to earn 2 *- playing outside, friend time, desert .. the more expensive the more stars they must earn ..if 9 & older ground instead of time-outs
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 2:53 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Wow Gailll is all over today, preaching about her perfect parenting.

    I know. Funny thing is her adult children live with her and she torments her poor daughter in law. lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:55 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Spanking works!! And it's very easy. You tell the children what the rules are for your home. If they disobey them, you tell them once to stop. If they do not instantly obey, you spank their bare legs or behinds, just hard enough that they feel the sting of their own disobedience. You tell them that you love them too much to allow them to be disobedient and disrespectful children and that such behavior will no longer be tolerated in your home. You are the person of authority, and you are to be respected and obeyed. Children don't know that unless you teach it to them, and there is no other way that works quite so well as inflicted a little pain into their lives. It ismuch better than allowing them to inflict pain into yours and letting them think this is acceptable behavior. If you will do this and be consistent, you will have some changed children in just a few weeks. And it's called discipline, not punishment.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:56 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

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