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Answers / Parenting / General Parenting

A little frustrating

I recently acquired a new member to my family. He will be 3 next month.

When ever I need to correct him he gets this glazed look on his face and refuses to awnser me. He will not even nod his head.

He knows he wont get spanked (from what I hear spanking was the preferred method of discipline where he came from). Time out does not seem to be effective. I put him in the corner (not for this) and he cries, but not normal crying, he screams, and screeches "ow" as though he's in pain (he's not).

I dont have anymore background on him, except that his language skills are very poorly developed. (when correcting I make sure to use small words he knows)

I don't know what to do. Any advice?

If it were my mother and I did that to her, she would have grabbed me by the arm swung me in close until I was an inch from her face and as asked me again . This is not my plan, my mother often just lost it with us.

 
Christina2135

Asked by Christina2135 at 3:00 PM on Jan. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • I would say he needs to see a child psych I was that way from abuse, and once I got therapy I bloomed went from developmentally behind to ahead in less than a year from not talking to jabbering etc.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 3:12 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Christina, it almost sounds like there was abuse here, causing developmental delays. Do you suspect that? If so, you may need to work with a specialist.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:05 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • My son could talk and all, but, to this day(and he is 13)...if you ever started to "discipline" him, he would flip out and freak and throw up a defensive wall. So, I had to learn to sit him down..calmly ask about what he did and ask what might be a better idea for him to do. Like we are just having a convo. He would listen and mind after that. He is still the same way. Even if he can't communicate efectively, just pause as you are talking as though he is actually answering. Then answer for him. He will catch on.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 3:07 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • You gotta find his currency. My dd likes to watch cartoons, read stories, help me cook, and she likes money (I let her buy things at the store, those 25 cent machines). I give her an allowance, every night I have her clean her room for 25 cents, she's 3 as well. If she is misbehaving then I tell her no cartoons, or no this or no that for an hour or until daddy comes home depending on how badly she was behaving or if she won't listen I won't let her watch until she does what I'm asking her to do. Sometimes I will switch out watching cartoons with reading books, whatever it is she is wanting to do. If she doesn't eat her vegetables then she doesn't get dessert. I do time out as well but I send her to her room...she does not like to be sent there because it separates her from the family so she gets over it real quick. But she cries really loud too. They just want attention when they do that I've noticed.
    Pristine_Dream

    Answer by Pristine_Dream at 3:09 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I think I wouldn't correct him, just love him for a while. He sounds like he needs it.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 3:10 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I actually have someone coming from headstart tomorrow. They didn't want to even meet with us because he's not three yet, but I went down to the office and wouldn't leave until she agreed to get a panel together.

    It makes me feel really guilty for getting frustrated, because I know he's had it rough, but i feel this may lead to other disciplinary problems. It's bold faced defiance, but then again that may have worked with his mom, i don't know.

    All I do is take a deep breath. Its not just this, but this is the thing I can't combat. I don't have an answer for it.
    Christina2135

    Answer by Christina2135 at 3:11 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • maybe he needs to see he can scream his head off in time out and that wont change anything. he will stay there and you wont beat him... get some earplugs. some kids feel guilt and shame when in trouble (i do!) so maybe when he isnt in trouble ask him why he wont look at you. best of luck!
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 3:48 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

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