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I would like to thank everyone who answered my 1st question with honesty, so I will just B open & honest:
I am a mother of a 24 yr-old adult daughter (with a son) whom live with us, and I have two step-daughter but the thing is I never saw them as a STEP because that does not sound or feel right to me, they have been mines since they were 4 yrs-old & 3 yrs-old, I was thought that my youngest was going to give me the most problems because she was so much like the grown daughter LOL (another story for another day).
Anyway, the younger of the 2 is doing really good so far but the older 1 is acting out, stealing, drinking, even smoking cigarettes I belive, I have been there every step of the way with her trying to b there but now after all of these yrs I am the bad guy, her BM doesn't want them how do I tell her that ? the BM has 9 children that she do not have or claim,& on drugs any advise? real advise thank you for hearing me


Asked by Anonymous at 4:06 PM on Jan. 27, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • My son (adopted) is my husband biological son. His biomom was abusive towards him. She rejected him most of his life. He never had the joys of parental attactment. He has always felt less than because of his biomoms rejection. I suggest encouraging some form of relationship with the daughter and biomom. Your daughter is old enough to deal with what ever may or may not come with the relationship. Hopefully, she will learn that it is her biomom that is the problem and not her. Sadly, we as the second moms have to clean up the messes that the biomom's create, but we love our children and do whatever is necessary to help them grow up! Good luck :)

    Answer by momsbreak5654 at 5:30 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • I'm not sure what you are asking?

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 4:12 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Their birth mother doesn't want them and you want to know if you should tell them? They have lived with you since they were 3 and 4.

    Some teens really want their other parent to love them. It may take some time but they come to realize the other parent just doesn't. I think it's best if they figure it out on their own and you be there when they do. I'm sure all along you have let them know that it's not their fault it's just the way she is.

    One of the three of my sons had this issue. We call it his years of temporary insanity. He even went to live with his dad when he was 17. Hids dad said great so child support would be reduced. It broke my heart and then his father broke his. I was there to take him back. That was the way he had to learn.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:14 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I also don't understand your question. Are you saying the stepdaughter wants to go back to her birth mom?

    I'd say that the wisdom of being careful what you wish for could apply. Let her call and get the shock of her life.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:15 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Any teenager whether good or bad goes through a stage where the parents are the bad guy. Regardless if they really are or not. In your situation though, it seems that maybe this girl is acting out because of her resentment towards her BM. She may be acting this way to try and express or bottle up feelings that she has towards her BM. I understand that talking to her may not be an easy thing to do, but maybe you could get her some counseling. Whatever you do, don't give up on her. She's looking to see who truely cares for her, even if she is treating you like you've done something wrong.

    What does her father say about all of this?

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:01 PM on Jan. 27, 2010