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Why do I have to be a complete f*cking b*tch before my kids listen to me?

I dont know what I am doing wrong. And they are very young. Almost 4, and 19 months. I talk to them nicely "Please pick up your toys so we can watch a movie" then its "Come on, pick up your toys so we have a place to sit to watch our movie" then its "If you dont pick up your toys now, we arent watching a movie" then its "PICK UP YOUR TOYS WHY DO I HAVE TO SAY IT A MILLION TIMES!!"- then, they do what i've been asking them to do. why? i hate turning into monster mommy- but i feel like i have no control over them no matter how i go about the situation. i dont want to have to raise my voice and be mean for them to listen and do as i ask.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on Jan. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (44)
  • Well, the 19-month-old is still young to expect things won't require a thousand repetitions.

    But hey. My ten year old is this way too. I've decided that's fine. My job is to be the meanest mommy in the world, after all. If he doesn't do things, then the consequence is no movie or no snack or no....fill in the blank.

    I'd say your kids are quite normal. And if you ask your mom, bet she'll tell you that you did the exact same thing at that age! **smile**
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:12 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Because kids brains can not developmentally think like adults brains think, they can't reason the exact same way in the exact same length of time as adults can.. It happens a lot of time. I found wearing earplugs or a headset even without music helped me. The freaking loudness of my kids was much softer keeping my ears protected. Try that, you can still hear very well it's just that the noise is a lot less.

    Your four year old can actually choose to listen better but again his brain's age vs. his body's age doesn't want to listen. Soon enough they will be in their twenties and teens like my kids and you'll just say you decide you take the slide on the ride of life whereever it takes you!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:16 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I feel the same way I hate being a mean mom but my daughter is 22 months old and doesnt listen to anything partly because we live with our in laws and everytime the hubby or i try to teach her something or tell her no not to do that she runs to them and they pick her up and say aww and crap it gets on my nerves so bad and then they also sneak behind our back and give her candy cakes soft drinks things like that and when we catch them giving it to her we get very upset and they just dont care so now my kid thinks that she can walk all over me she hits me if she gets a spanking she laughs at me she doesnt care about anything I tell her to do. it sux cuz the hubby and i try hard to teach her right and she is very smart knows alot more then kids her age so she knows what we are saying to her i dont know what to do
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:16 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • yeah, the younger one definately will need help cleaning them up. the almost 4 year old, should be able to do most of it on their own, but probably would do better if you maybe got them started. i know that my SS who is 5 always has to get help from his sister. when they are here, i am working on having him pick up his room by himself. its hard because his big sister although she complains about it, always runs to his rescue after she finishes her room. i do know that at almost 4 and 4 there is no way that he would have cleaned up on his own without me or his father getting tough with him.

    next time, instead of yelling, follow through with your threats. don't let them watch the movie. or tell them that you will take the toys away and then take them away if you threaten to do so. again, this may be harder with their age, but might work.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 4:17 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Anon 4:16

    OP here- I can totally relate to this. Im single so we live with my mom- any time i discipline the kids they go running to "grandma" or say "i waaaant graaaandmaaaa" and she lets them each junk food and shit when im not in the room and i cant say anything b/c we live with her and she helps us with EVERYTHING. plus when i do talk to her about it she says "well its just a little" or gives me a huge guilt trip with her sad face "youre right, i shouldnt have done that, i was wrong" so then i feel horrible. ah! life is so frustrating anymore for me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Oh I feel you!!!
    I was babysitting my ex SIL's girls and the youngest who was 6 refused to help pick up, her sister offered to do it, I said, No. If she's not going tohelp, she's not going to watch the movie. So I sent her to her room, no TV, straight to bed, after about 10 minutes of hearing us laugh about the movie(It was a comedy, she came out and picked up her crap, I told her she had to apologize, she did and all was cool. But, Ya, I'm the evil mom too.

    Here's something that works(Well i've been using it now for about 8 years)
    OK, This is going to sound crazy, please, bear with me here and hear me out....
    After telling your kids 2 times, grab your chest, fall to the floor, naturally the kids will be like, "OMG, Mom are you ok??!?!"
    You say(in a gasping voice),"By not listening to Mommy, your...break....ing... my heart..."(throw in a few tears)
    I DK how much longer this will work on my son, but it works.
    Good luck
    !!!
    Starfire73

    Answer by Starfire73 at 4:24 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Here's something that works(Well i've been using it now for about 8 years)
    OK, This is going to sound crazy, please, bear with me here and hear me out....
    After telling your kids 2 times, grab your chest, fall to the floor, naturally the kids will be like, "OMG, Mom are you ok??!?!"
    You say(in a gasping voice),"By not listening to Mommy, your...break....ing... my heart..."(throw in a few tears)
    I DK how much longer this will work on my son, but it works.
    Good luck
    !!!


    lol- OP here. thats hilarious, but i think it would scare the SHIT out of my girl. maybe when shes older ill try that. my son, the 19 month old, would probably just start crawling over me trying to play like he always does when i get on the floor
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • This works too when they start "mouthing off" too! But change it to, "When you say...*gasping...Hurtful things*insert some cringing here as you hold your chest and fall on the floor..It breaks mommy's heart...*insert tears.."
    And the academy award goes too............ MOMMY!!!!
    Starfire73

    Answer by Starfire73 at 4:31 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • PS my son will be 11 next month and it's still working~~~
    Starfire73

    Answer by Starfire73 at 4:31 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I agree with you OP.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

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