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when do you/did you/should I....

explaine the concept of child support, and that it is Daddy's choice not to be around? My son is 6 1/2, I am allways the bad guy, why won't I take him to see daddy, why don't I have $$ to buy this or that. Well "daddy" hasnt seen or talked to my son in over 3 yrs,and he was 2 1/2 the first time he decided to see him to begin with. He chooses to have no contact, and to not keep up with child support. I do not bash him to or in fron of my son, it is his decision to make later on how he feels abou his "daddy". But I was just wondering when do theese concepts get explained?
Pleae no bashing...I'm stressed enough.


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Asked by mommymeg03 at 7:13 PM on Jan. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,235 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • There is a difference between telling your child the truth and bashing. Tell him you don't know where his daddy is. Some kids have dads that aren't around. I assume you don't know where his is if he isn't paying support.

    Kids understand when you tell them there isn't enough money. You don't have to blame it on child support.

    Answer by Gailll at 7:19 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • If your Ex has never been in your sons life. Why is your son wanting to see him. My DD' never asked about their Bio Dads. When they got older the asked about them. I just told them the truth. They didn't want to be in your life.

    Answer by louise2 at 7:19 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I do know where his dad is, and I dont want to tell him I don't I think he knows better. I filed to take him back to court and I am awaiting a court date now.......
    I don't ness want to "blame it" on child support when I don't have $$, but at some point in life the concept of child support gets explained. When?


    Answer by mommymeg03 at 7:21 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • That's a good question. I'm in a similar situation. My daughter's bio dad has not been around since she was 2. She's now 7. The difference is that I'm with a guy that I've been with since she was 3 and he's all she knows as a dad. She doesn't know about her bio dad at all. Which brings on a whole other set of problems.. why didn't I tell her about her bio dad? Why did I tell him to stay away? I honestly don't know when/if/how to bring it up. But when/if it does come up, I've already decided to be honest but not mean. I wont tell her about the abuse and maybe not even about the drugs, but that he just wasn't ready to be a dad. He loved/loves her very much but we just couldn't make it work. I'll give her his name and I try to keep track of him though we don't talk, so that I can tell her where he's at. She deserves the right to choose to know him once she's old enough. I hope that helps at least a little. Sorry I can't help more

    Answer by Megs5384 at 7:21 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • louise - when my son was 2 1/2 he decided he wanted to be daddy, if I had ANY idea he would fall back out I would have stopped it...
    It lasted less than a year, and it has been over 3 yrs since he has seen or talked to him, but he remembers. And talks about him all the time. He only has a few memories of course and I hear the same stories over and over, but he holds on tight to that memory and loves him. *sigh*

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 7:23 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Your son does not need to know anything about child support. Unless he asks later on in life. Sense you know where the DAD is. Call him up and let him explain to your son why he does not want to be in his like.


    Answer by louise2 at 8:06 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • not a good idea, when he disapeared from his life he just stopped coming around and answering calls, and my son just got upset when he never returned the calls. While I would love to just show up on his door step, I know it would just be hurtful to my son.
    Talking to him is not an option, so I need to find a way to expaine things myself.

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 8:12 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Skip the child support issue. As for the father issue. Tell your son that his father loves him in his own way but is not able to be in his life at this time. Then get your son a Big Brother or another mentor. He will need the positive male role modeling growing up.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:16 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • thanks tyfry7496 :)
    He was pretty close with a man at our church, but he has moved to another church and we havent heard from him :(
    big brothers wont let him be a part of the program until he is 8 (which I think it total crap)


    Answer by mommymeg03 at 8:21 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I agree tyfry! I was married for 14 yrs and had 3 children with my ex. We got divorced and he quit his job to avoid support and never looked back on his children. I decided, it was me and my 3. I had to pull up the big girl panties and provide everything. This was hard not only on me but my kids. I had to say no a lot more than I would have liked. But I got crafty, I kept on asking until I got what I needed for my children. I got them free trips to summer camp, put them through Catholic school etc, all on scholarships. You can do it too. As for my ex, when my kids were younger, I told them daddy loved them in his own way, but that he was not able to see them. He has problems he needs to fix first. He loves them and always will. My children are almost grown now, and they know who was there, and how to be a good parent. They have made peace with it.

    Answer by salexander at 9:42 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

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