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How long do you think a marriage can survive the distance???

I will like to know how long do you think a marriage can survive being apart?. I ask this because for external reasons I have been separated from my husband for 16 months already and I really feel that I am loosing connection and feelings with him. I think I know I still love him but I don't know anymore if the same way as before.
We have a daughter that will turn two next monday and it totally breaks my heart that he hasn't been with us the last almost 18 months, he doesn't know her.

Yes we chat through skype, but it is not the same. I donĀ“t know what to do anymore. I miss having someone by my side. It is been so long that I don't remember the feeling of a lot of small things...a kiss,...a hug...being cuddle up....

What do you think? How long can a marriage hold a distance???...before its too late...

Answer Question
 
annetemm

Asked by annetemm at 7:54 PM on Jan. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • My husband and i have been together for 2 1/2 years. For our entire relationship he has been overseas. First in Korea. Then in Germany. Then to Iraq and now he's back in Germany. ...we show no signs of separating.
    Of course, the longest it's been sense i've seen him was 9 months during the time he was in Iraq.
    But i think if you KNOW that this is only temporary it can last for as long as you need it to.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 8:00 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • mine did. my husbands in the army. and he went to basic while and ait while i was pregnant. missed the birth of our daughter. then after ait he came home the day after she was born two weeks later he was on a plane to korea for a year. missed her first everything. then was in va, where i moved and we were there together for about 6 months. then he got deployed to iraq. hes in iraq now. i think if you truly love him and he loves you then yes it will make it. ours did and is. we are so in love. its hard at times and it does suck. every night i still cry myself to sleep wishing he was here. but im proud of him and i know that he loves me and i love him so its ok. and we talk on yahoo and skype and however and whenever we can. emails pictures. letters everything. im mho true love can handle it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:02 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • is it a army marriage? or separate cause you were fighting? you need to make it clear.
    bmdred

    Answer by bmdred at 8:05 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Seperated as inbroke up or as in deployed seperated?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:18 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • I've been a military wife for 17 1/2 yrs (we met while we were both Active Duty). We've had a LOT of separations over the yrs, some longer than others, and some harder than others. Longer doesn't always mean harder, either. It is hard, but there are ways to stay connected. I think one of the keys is knowing that there is an end in sight to the separation, whether it's 15 months, a month, a week, whatever.

    Now, if the separation is something like, I live in Maine, he lives in California, neither of us want to re-locate, and we're going to do this indefinitely, then honestly, no, I don't think a marriage can survive that.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:49 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • It is not an army marriage and I am not pretty sure what deployed means, but we were together for 18 months before he moved away. He moved because since my daughter was borned we started some paperwork to move to Canada. He got a job there and has been there for 16months but I havent been able to go into the country. Our agent says it can still be from 8 to 12 months for my daughter and I to go into Canada...and I don't know where to hold on.
    annetemm

    Answer by annetemm at 9:52 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Oh, let me clarify - when I say in the second situation that I don't think it can survive, I mean that because I think it would be because of problems above and beyond the distance. That would just be an example of the problems. Because if one of you lived far away from the other, and you have the option of being together, and the separation isn't a temporary one (even, say, 2 yrs is still a temporary separation), then that says to me that the marriage isn't important to you. Or, that there are other things more important (maybe for good reason, maybe not). It says that you aren't willing or able to compromise. In THAT case, then, no, I don't think the marriage can survive.

    But, if the separation isn't because of that, if it's for work (whether military or not), and it's for a set amount of time (again, no matter how long it is), then I DO think it's possible for it to work, it just takes effort.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:53 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • Oh and all this time I have been in Mexico with my daughter by the way.
    annetemm

    Answer by annetemm at 9:53 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • If you have another 8 - 12 months, then you have an end in sight. You can make it work - it is hard, and it does hurt, but it can happen :-) Just keep your end goal in sight, that by the end of the year, you WILL be together again!

    I know it's hard, and that you get tired of being a married woman but a single mom, with the worst of both worlds and none of the benefits of either. I know you miss him and are lonely, but you CAN get through it, and be together again :-)

    Just keep writing, chatting in skype, etc, and if you can go to visit, even better!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:56 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

  • you can keep it together woman! i have faith in you. maybe you should take a trip to the boarder and meet him for a weekend. thats always good.
    bmdred

    Answer by bmdred at 10:25 PM on Jan. 27, 2010

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