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why does my boyfriend do this all the time?

so my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and have an 18 month old son. my boyfriend works 32 hours a week and goes to school part time. I am currently a sahm right now due to the economy. now i understand he wants to unwind after work and stuff but lately he just plays video games all night long and doesnt pay attention to me or our son. i try and talk to him and he gets mad and i ask why and he says he just doesnt care or want to talk about anything. I am getting frustrated because I want a break from our son too and i have talked him so dont reply and say talk because everything i am telling you here i have told him. I am considering couples therapy though. any opninions or advice if it happens/happened to you?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:48 AM on Jan. 28, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Well I got news for ya then, since you gonna tells us what not to say. Your just gonna have to ride it out or have a big blow out fight about it. If he does not want to spend time with you or ya'lls son.. What makes you think he will go to couples counseling. I have been there and done all that and the only thing that worked was a huge ass fight and 10 years of growing up, that my hubby had to do on his own. GL. your going to need it.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 1:17 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • If you are still young yet that could be part of it and he dont want to face that facts of being a father and pretty much a husband and is scared.

    And also working a lot of hours like that pulse school he just want s to relax not deal with things that he should. Hes a man and that's how most men are, unless you find one that is not. Make time for you and just him whether it be an hour or 20 Min's together it can make things better most of the time and it also depends on what you are doing with the hour or 20 min. If you have a sister or brother or family member that you trust ask them to take the baby for like 3 hours and go to the store or something. I'm sure there is someone in yours or his family that would love to see the baby for a few hours and let you have some mommy time. Good luck hope this helped.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • ---original poster--

    we are not too young we are in our mid to late 20's. and he was the one who chose to be a father... the baby is actually from a prev relationship when me and him broke up for a period of time (longer story) and when my son was born i asked him if he wanted to be the father and on the birth cert and he said oh yes i really do and he has been AWESOME since its just like the last month.. we sleep in seperate beds and no sex or anything like that but he does kiss me and hug me when he leaves for work and when he gets home, its just i feel we are falling apart so i just wanted some advice...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:30 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • I ADREE IT SOUNDS AS IF HE IS FRUSTRATED WITH THE NEWFOUND RESPONSIBLLITY OF BEING A FATHER. GUYS DONT ADJUST WELL WHEN THEY HAVE TO HELP OUT AND THEY HV ALOT ON THEIR PLATE AS THEY SEE IT. IF U CAN GET HIMTO GO TO COUNSELING THAT MIGHT HELP BUT IF HE WONY EVEN STOP WITH THE VIDEO GAMES LONG ENOUGH TO Py attn to th ebaby i dont think u willhv any luck in getting him to agree to that. try making him a nice dinner and telling him after he has eatten it that u need to talk to him tonight. its worth a try. if he still acts as if he has no resoonsibility to help out i would start to look for a new place to live. maybe he will notice then that u mean business. good luck.i do think u will need it. sorry about the caps. i broke my finger and having a hard time with the laptop ansd typing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Unplug the video game and put it away, tell him that it is interfering with your relationship and it is you or it. It will be a big fight most likely but sometimes men can only hear us when we stop being nice and start getting down and dirty and lay out there with no filter.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 2:09 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Un fortunately sweetheart alot of the time they dont listen until you spell it out and if you wait to say what you have to say by then youve built up so much resentment your literallly done by the time you do say something. I did it FOR THE KIDS for twenty two years and I regret it still. Please follow your heart...do everything you can to make him listen and if he doesnt, then again...follow your heart...You and your feelings dont come second to his and you are BOTH young, and you Both count. Good Luck and God Bless!
    mxmomma05

    Answer by mxmomma05 at 2:39 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • It sounds to me like he's having second thoughts about the whole thing.... just by the no sex alone thing.
    councelling might help but where would he find the time to do that? He's being honest with you... when you ask he's telling you he doesn't want to talk about anything and doesn't care.. there's your answer unless he's clinically depressed and overwhelmed with the whole parenting/working/school thing.
    The no sex, sleeping in seperate bed thing tho, makes me think that it's already over in his heart. If it is, he might be staying because he knows he made a huge mistake putting his name on that birth certificate because now he's stuck, atleast financially because he's legally obligated to pay child support and insurance plus half of any medical expenses on the child.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 4:29 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • I agree with couples therapy. If he won't go, go yourself.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:03 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • wow I have a 38 year old husband thats a video game junky. At least he's home and not out at the bars. BUt talk to him and let him know that occassionally it's not a problem but your family needs family time.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 8:07 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • What about this, you let him have 1hr to himself when he gets home to unwind, and THEN try talking to him? Keep it light, ask how his day was, and let him know that if anything is bothering him, he can talk to you. don't push or pressure, sometimes that comes accross as 'nagging'. I do think that couples counseling would be a good idea, although be prepared he may not be very willing. It does sound like he is using his video games as an escape-- now to just find out why- maybe he is having financial pressure- especially if he is the only one working and paying bills, maybe he is having stress at work, or possibly he is feeilng stress at home or from your relationship. Have you tried going out on a 'date night'? Maybe if you get out of the house together without the baby the 2 of you can have a chance to talk -- and he would be away from his video games.
    Good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

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