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Why is my family so negative? What would you do?

My husband and daughter constantly pick on eachother. They both complain a lot or mope about things. I decided to ask if they wanted to join me for an afternoon walk. We could all spend some time together and take the dog for a walk. They agreed and I was happy because I thought it would be nice to have a drama free afternoon. Well, my daughter took her bike and my husband criticized her almost the whole time. "She can't because"......iswhat he would say. Or "she keeps doing blah blah so she can't"... I got so sick of it. I tried to stay calm and just hope for the best but then my daughter started to mope about not being able to ride her bike. She cried and got sassy. It sucked. I came home feeling even more wound up than before. I just don't get why it is like this with them. I need my husband to be on board with a positive attitude but when I say anything to him he gets super defensive. What to do??

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:37 AM on Jan. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • So many men have that nasty negative attitude and it's contagious. She responds to his negativism. That's sad. I wish people knew what damage they do to children with that. My mom was like that but I was stubborn and used it (out of spite) to prove her wrong. That's what helped me stay positive. I tried to make my children see the positive in all things. My son still is a negative person but he spent more time with his negative dad! Just keep showing her the positive and him too if he will listen.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:45 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • how old is dd, that's important to know. Kids and husbands have the biggest egos out of all of the types of people in the world jmo
    My husband and kids became a little bit nicer per situation not forever when I started stopping our happenings from happening.
    I don't want to be in a bad mood in pubic or at home. But the best place to be grumpy is at home not in public.

    I suggest you do what I did - next activity just go, do. If either one of those get grumpy then end the activity and bring everyone home. Don't negotiate with either daughter or husband.

    Also what I do is if there's nastiness brewing before an outing for whatever, don't negotiate, immediately cancel it.

    Church can be had at a different service. Inlaws, other relatives don't want to see a family grump and be nasty so don't go that way. Just give reason as personal or truth that someone was not feeling well -all three of you!!!!

    Answer by lfl at 8:49 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Just do your thing but have respect for him hopefully he'll see that in you. GL

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:08 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • I go through this ALL the time w/my family. My dh grew up w/an alcholic mom and his parents fought ALL the time. He actually bickers w/our 5 year old and it drive me crazy. He can't help it,I can tell but sometimes I just have to get out and away from everybody. That may just be your only way of lifting your spirits.
    If I can get a little time for myself I just try and come home and put out the vibe,sometimes it helps sometimes not but it's really their problem. I know that sounds bad but it's true.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:33 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Just do things with just your DD. Your husband is grown and can either get with the program or get help. Don't just not spend time with her because he is so negative. Make sure to praise, praise, PRAISE her on as much as you can. Whenever he ask why you don't do things with him you let him know because your DD is taking a huge hit with her self esteme. When he is so negative with her it DOES do damage. Come on now, he is an adult and he should be a better Dad than being a negative person towards your DD. You are setting her up for poor relationships if you don't stand up to him and say either knock it off or get help. Don't be scared of him. That is your baby girl, he is grown.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Tell them both to stfu and GROW UP! I know how annoying that is. My ex is like this.

    Answer by BaisMom at 11:35 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • wow your husband needs to grow up. i mean my step dad picks on me in a funny way but thats just stupid of him. if she is young i would have no prob with her riding it. is he jealous he didnt get to ride his biky?

    Answer by bmdred at 12:22 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Op: My daughter is 6. I try to do as many things with her as I can even if we can't do things together as a family. I know that is important for her and for me too. I do the best I can to explain to her that she should try things before complaining about not liking it. That is a big rule I have. Otherwise how will you ever really know? She seems to do great when her and I can get over her initial resistance to things. But when it is a family thing for some reason she is even more stubborn and unwilling to put a smile on her face. I believe it does have a lot to do with my husband's attitude about things. Usually if it is his idea he is in a better mood. But if I want everything to do something it is harder to get them on board. I suggested having a family night where we play games and tell stories and just be together. They could give ideas for things to do as well. My daughter loved it but my husband seemed like uh ok..

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:44 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • So when we play games together he will fight with our daughter to be first, or to get to have the number one controller if we play a video game. It is so stupid to me to worry about that. It is more important to show winning isn't everything and it is important to have fun and do your best. he kind of misses that at times though. So they fight a lot and I just want to go to bed and forget it. I respect him but I really get annoyed when he will pick at me for bringing up his moodiness. He says he wants to be able to be left alone and enjoy doing something instead of hearing me ask if he could change his attitude. I don't get that because I would not be asking him about his moodiness if he wasn't being moody. I don't see ME as the one keeping him from enjoying fun time. He just seems to find it easier to blame everything on me. So, whatever. I just brush it off when I can.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

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