Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

A Question for~ Catholics Only~ (I don't want to hear from the bashers)

My dh is attending RCIA. He came home last night very upset. He seemed maybe confused about the marrage thing. He told me that he did not think our marrage is valid. I tried to ask him questions and he got mad at me. We were married by a friend of his mom 14 years ago in her home. It was NOT what we wanted but just the same it was what we were able to do considering our familys situation. We have had three children together and I asked him if that means they would be considered born outside of marrage?? He got really mad at me and said "I don't know!" We are going Sat to speak w/our priest. Anything that you know would be helpful. Thanks in advance;)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:58 AM on Jan. 28, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (14)
  • im not catholic, but my mom is, i just asked her to read this...she says he most likely feels that your marriage isnt valid because you weren't married in the house of god..my moms family gave her trouble for getting married outside instead of in their catholic church. thats about all should could say about it though..which is probably not much help sorry.

    necro1134

    Answer by necro1134 at 10:01 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • If you go get your marriage blessed with the church you should be fine. I couldn't even get married back at home because they wouldn't let us do marriage councling where I am living now and then get married at home. Gotta love the catholic church.
    tanya_marieh

    Answer by tanya_marieh at 10:07 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Was it a legal marriage? If you are legally married then it might be that the church does not recocnise it as a Christian marriage. The bible only states that marriage must be done legally to the laws of the land you live in but the church looks on things differently. You will have to discuss this with u and your husband before u c the priest . Just check if legal issue or religion issue first.
    kalada

    Answer by kalada at 10:09 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Catholic church does not recognize any marriage where a catholic priest did not participate.
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 10:09 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • You have a legal marriage, just not one recognized by the church.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • It's a legal marriage but not valid. Your children are not bastards. All you have to do is talk to your priest and see about have the marriage blessed. It would involve you living as brother and sister. Going to confession. Then a simple blessing, most times this done after Mass on Sunday. It's really a simple process, not that complicated. My BIL and SIL had this done after being married 20 years. They say it's the best thing they ever did.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • I'm glad you already have an appointment to talk to a priest since your husband is so upset. You have a legalmarriage that the church recognizes as a legal and binding marriage, it just didn't meet the requirements for marriage sacrament but that has nothing to do with your children.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 10:54 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Marriage is one of the most confusing sacraments to me. Really, it confuses me more than penance. A good rule of thumb of marriage is this. If the state recognizes your marriage, you are married in the eyes of the church. As for your children, they were married in a legitimate marriage, but the church wouldn't focus that much on it if they weren't. I know a girl who had two children out of wedlock and both her children were accepted and baptised into the church.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • I also want to point out, there are some answers here that 100% wrong. The appointment with your priest will help.
    Kattykitten

    Answer by Kattykitten at 11:05 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Definately talk to a priest.  Catholics are required to be married according to the laws of the Catholic Church in order to be considered "valid" and "sacramental" in the Catholic Church.  If neither of you were Catholic when you were married, then the CC assumes your marriage is "valid".  If you are Catholic but were married outside of the church and not by a priest (without getting permission beforehand) then your marriage is not a valid Catholic marriage.  It is a legal marriage, your children are not illegetimate (since that is a legal term not a religious one).  You marriage can be convalidated (sometimes referred to as "blessed") by the church and it would be considered valid.

    eringobrough

    Answer by eringobrough at 1:13 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN