Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do you get through to a 9 yr old that lying is not okay?

I'm at my wits end with this kid! She makes up pointless lies "stories" She used to be so honest all the time. Now I have to 2nd guess everthing she says. If she tells me the sky is blue I will have to look and make sure. The first time we had along talk about why it was important to always tell the truth. I then grounded her for 5 days. She just got of punishment yesterday and is already lying again today. Now she is grounded for 2 weeks. What should I do to nip this in the butt NOW before it gets out of hand. I want to be able to believe the things she says, but it seems like I can't. Telling the truth is a big deal to me. Any advice???

Answer Question

Asked by Fordmomma at 10:21 AM on Jan. 28, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 8 (255 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • let her know if she tells the truth the punishment will always be less than if she lies. Let her know that you are there for her and she can tell you anything... my kids still lie- but usually jsut about who ate this or little things like that- the bigger stuff they come to me about (at least so far)

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:27 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • If there is something that she is wanting right now I would start to make a big deal about a shopping spree or vacation and make a big deal about it...set the it up, then on the morning of whatever it is act like you don't know what she is talking about...maybe a taste of her own medicine is just what she needs. Then if that does not work, start taking away favorites...if she has a tv in her room remove it, ipod next, or whatever "gadgets" that she values...after the gadgets are gone...move on to her clothes...she won't be telling many lies when she has no pants! but also remember to reward her for her honesty...and remind her that every time she lies it make it that much harder to trust her with truth. Good luck

    Answer by Rebecca727 at 11:36 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • be consistent and keep taking things away. don't let her do the fun things etc. when they come up.

    also, you could have her start writing reports/essays on topics such as lying or examples of lying and how they affect other people and things like that. start with 500 words, up it to 1000 words, etc.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 1:06 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • 1. wash her mouth out with some tasty soap ;)
    2. make up a big lie to tell her...something that would affect were going to be going to disney world this Friday...when Friday comes...tell her ooops..."I lied...see how it feels?"
    3. When she says something you think may not be the truth,ask her if thats what really happend or is that what you would have liked to her the opportunity to come clean with no consequence. (some habits are hard to break
    4. Good Luck with that!
    My 9 yo likes to tell stories too...matter of fact... I tell him all the time he's going to be a famous author of a book with all his stories. Maybe even write a movie...never know...his active imagination must be put to good use some where down the line,lol.


    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 1:28 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Is she lying? Or embellishing the truth?

    There is a difference. If she is bold face lying then there should be consequences, I have always believed that grounding for more then a week at a time is going overboard, anything over a week seem's unobtainable to them so they get this "why bother" attitude. It does get bettter, some of it is the age, and it is a matter of being repetative and persistant. Most kids do outgrow it...not all and there is no way to tell which ones will, but most do.

    If she is embellishing the truth then I would get to the point and find out why she needs to make things sound better or worse, my first thought would be attention seeking, what is she lacking within herself? She probably doesn't know, but if you it at least try to get to the bottom of it it may help you both.

    Good luck, like I said some of it is age.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 8:37 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • turn it around,
    try doing the same thing; tell her a white lie about something that she might be interested in and then the next day tell her you lied. and ask her how it made her feel, and let her know that is how you feel everytime she does it. and that there has to be trust between you two, and promise her, that if she always tells you the truth, you will too.

    Answer by einsteinmom at 8:44 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.