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how do u....?

How do u get ur husband to go along with the rules that u set for the kids? My husband seems to not set rules or punish or even say anything to the kids when they misbehave. So when i set rules and punish he says i am being too harsh and just tosses aside what i say! drives me nuts! to the point where i have stopped saying things to the kids because it is just a waste of my breath and time!

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steelergirlie44

Asked by steelergirlie44 at 11:33 AM on Jan. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • This is one of those topics that we discussed before having a child. It sounds like you made need some help from a neutral third party, like a couples counselor or therapist.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:47 AM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • I know how you feel isn't it completly frustrating?? idk what to tell you to do becaus I don't know what to do to nip this in the butt!
    chica679

    Answer by chica679 at 12:04 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • The 2 of you have to be a United Front,a Team with these kids when getting punshed, what he's doing is undermining you,and thats frustrating. The kid knows who to go to when getting punished, they are smart ,they know he won't do anything. I would sit this Husband down and have a Loooog talk with him, and if you punish you child,he has to stand behind you, and you the same. My ex use to undermine me with my kids all the time, and run to him if they did something wrong. After a while of calling him out on that right there,in front of my kids,he stopped and did what I said the punishment was. He's being spineless with his kids,and they will turn out to be monsters. Stop him now
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • i dont allow our male dog on the couch, and hubby knows it. well the dog will jump up with him and i told him he knows the rules no dogs on the couch! and im like im not stupid you can stop him before he gets up. he just laughs. its super annoying!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • My husband had trouble with this as well. He never accused me of being harsh, but I couldn't get him to follow the rules and punishments I had for the kids. He'd warn DS over and over "You'll get a time out, you're going to get a time out", but never actually do it. Finally I just told him "Don't threaten him if you're not going to do it. He's never going to take you seriously if you warn and don't follow through." .. Then my husband started following through. I was worried that my son would grow up knowing dad is the pushover and mom is the bad guy. I didn't want that to be the situation in our home. So I had to get my husband to see that if he kept being such a pushover that DS would never take him seriously. He would just keep doing it and there'd never be a resolve.

    If all else fails treat your husband like a child. Sure it's petty, but if the husband wants to be the kids friend then maybe he should be treated as such.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:37 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • You don't have the power to make him change his mind about this or about anything else. This is why it is so very important to get to know these things before getting married and having children. It is very important to marry someone who has similar philosophies about parenting and many other areas. Since it is too late for you to do that, I think you just have to accept that there are two sets of rules in your home. You can enforce yours when you are the only parent present and you will have to yield to your husband's set of rules when he is present. Granted, there is going to be some confusion in the minds of your children as to exactly whose rules they are to obey. Eventually, they will adapt one or the other set of standards, and I would bet those would be your husband's because they seem to be the more lenient ones. When this will really become a real problem is when your children reach their teen-age years.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:47 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • ask you husband to start making the rules and see what he says, tell him he can decide the punishment for the behavior . if he thinks you are to harsh on them , ask him exactly what you are being harsh about, maybe you can see things on the same page, like if you spank them for spilling bath water on the floor... yes some moms do that..... anyway my husband and i disagree alot on what is bad behavior, he thinks alot of times they are just being kids. I would make sure you agree on the big things, like talking back, lying, aggressive distructive behavior.. ect.
    TaiM

    Answer by TaiM at 4:51 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

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