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Is it okay to have a safety stash that your b/f or husband dont know about?

So my mother gave me 5 grand to have in my personal bank account as security money...my b/f and i have had problems in the past and at times i havent left b/c of money reasons, but were good now have been for a while...i guess we grew up and see eye to eye now...but she sd she just wanted me to keep it for any type of emergency...so i took it...but havent told him and dont plan on it either..my mother sd it was up to me if i wanted to tell him but she sd a smart women always has a little security incase of a mishap and he leaves or whatever...so i thought she made alot of sense plus i have a child and i have to think about him have to be prepared incase he leaves us one day...do you guys think its wrong to keep this from him? do you all have a security account or stash? my problem is that were good we dont have problems, i dont think i'll be using it any time in the near future but my thought is better safe then sorry....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:23 PM on Jan. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • if it was your husband, then yeah you should tell him. but since he's just your boyfriend, i don't think it should be any of his business.
    wahm_abbeyrose

    Answer by wahm_abbeyrose at 10:29 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • If it were my husband I would definately tell him.
    I honestly don't think I would tell a boyfriend though. I just feel as though a boyfriend isn't neccisarily a sure thing. It just wouldn't feel right for him to know I had that kind of money in the bank. I would think he'd feel differently and maybe only be with me for that security money. Paranoid, maybe. It's just not something I would share with just anyone. A husband should know though, because you've commited your lives to them.

    Now, if you've commited to someone without marriage.. a life long relationship might be a different scenario. I would even keep it from them until I was personally certain that I am more then just my money, sex, etc.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:29 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • this is hard for me because I understand why you are doing this ,yet If you plan on spending the rest of your life with this guy I do think its wrong to keep this kind of money a secret.. with me & my sweetie we agreed I handle all the money so I do have a savings account, but he knows about it & anytime he want he could look at a statement & see how I spend our money.. Maybe you two need counseling before you get married.. I think you should put the money into a savings with only your name on it & tell him about it.. tell him you have no plans to spend it, but you didn't want to keep secrets among each other. There must be trust in a relationship.. & unless its a surprise bday party for him there shouldn't be secrets.
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 10:33 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Good feedback! well we've been together for 6 years we have joint bank accounts and everything we share our money actually he makes good money and money isnt a big deal to him, never has been and im a student, he supports me, i also get money from my mother since she is helping me out since im a student and she had a college fund set up for me since i was a kid so she gives me so much a month from that...we have a son and everything its almost like were married except i dont want to marry him until i get my nursing degree...does that change your opinions?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Did he put a ring on your finger? If not, then the money is yours as your mom gave it to you. Just because you don't have problems with your car now, doesn't mean you won't in the near future. If someone broadsided you next week, you'd need the money to buy a new car, or at least fund the means to get around while waiting for it to be fixed. The same is with a man. There is never any guarantee in life, AND...everything always changes. If he puts that ring on your finger, then at least you'll have wedding money...
    Ophy

    Answer by Ophy at 10:37 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Life is not written in stone. Keep it and don't tell him if nothing else your mom wants what best for you just in case. If you don't use it then use for your child future education. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • BTW, being ALMOST married, doesn't constitute as BEING married. My sis gave 10 wasted years to her man before he had a baby with someone else. She is still not married, and has nothing to show for all the hard work she put into that relationship.
    Ophy

    Answer by Ophy at 10:42 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Buy some US Saving Bond series I and just keep those bond in a safe place. 

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • Yea Ophy, its the almost part that has me questioning wether i should tell him or not...b/c if we were married then i would tell him although im not gonna lie i would still consider keeping it a secret, if you cant tell i have a very strong, independednt wonderful mother who gives me very strong female advice...i love her! but you just never know with men even if you are married! (hope i didnt offend anybody with my last comment)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

  • I say its none of his business. Its like an inheritance, its YOURS. Id leave it tucked away in a safe place and not mention it to him. IF you ever do get married and you choose to tell, itll be a nice surprise to him that you have it. If he doesnt stick around for whatever reason, at least you dont have to panic about caring for your child.
    Aqua_Jen

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 10:50 PM on Jan. 28, 2010

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